Musings of a Milk Maker

Longest run yet!

2012-01-28T13:23:00.000-08:00

My 1/2 marathon training was supposed to officially start tomorrow, but I decided to do my long run today instead of Sunday because I am going to be working outside, on my feet, for several hours tomorrow. Starting before the crack of dawn. I thought it best to play it safe and make sure I could get the long run in before all of that work. That said, I may be hobbling all over the place tomorrow!

My goal was to run for 75 minutes. I knew that if I kept it to a 10:00 pace I would cover 7.5 miles, and I did that almost exactly:

I was kind of hoping to keep my pace at around 9:30, but I also didn't want to burn myself out. I think I could have done 9:30 in hindsight. Well, my right hamstring started to hurt around mile 5, so maybe not. Anyways.

Part of today's run was for the Freeze Your Thorns Off 5K, hosted by The Boring Runner (who is anything but!) I didn't really plan before hand which miles would be my 5K, though! Whoops! So I am going to give it my best three miles in the middle ( plus .1) which comes out to be 30:58. Not my fastest 5K, but whatever. It works!

It was a good run. I went from my house up to the Alki Trail and ran around the Alki Point and back. Not too much to note about the run, though there were a fair amount of people out. Including a clueless group of women who stepped on to the trail right in front of me and then yak-yak-yakked super loudly. At least it gave me a good motivation to speed around them and take off so I didn't have to hear them! On the way back I started passing some very fast runners heading the other direction. It seemed odd, like they must have been a part of something, but I couldn't tell what. Finally after passing maybe 25 or so of these runners a guy quipped to me "on your way back already?" and I said "what are you running?" to which he answered "the Tukwila to Alki 1/2 marathon". Ah. I ran past lots more of the 1/2 marathoners on the rest of my run, which was nice. Usually it's pretty quiet on the last stretch. My fastest mile was when I was passing the 1/2 marathoners, I definitely got a little boost of excitement!

I ran with my water belt today, which always makes me feel a little dorky, but I really need it. I keep thinking maybe I should "learn" to run without the water, but that seems stupid, too. Aren't runners supposed to keep hydrated?

All in all it was a great first training run. I never felt really exhausted, which I was scared of happening. I wish I could have had an ice bath when I got home, but we don't own a bathtub! I need to research how to do one without a tub. Hmmmm. I did buy some KT tape, but I forgot to use it on my right hamstring before the run.

Looking forward to a healthy and fun few weeks of training to come!

Training schedules and races

2012-01-23T21:37:00.000-08:00

I spent Saturday night really living it up. And by living it up, I mean I hunkered down on the couch and worked out my race and training schedule through the end of June, which is when I will run the Seattle Rock-n-Roll Half Marathon.

I have been itching to do some "formal" training for my upcoming half . . . I know, I know, I obviously can run my little heart out whenever I would like, whether or not the run was part of a training schedule. However, I like the rigidity and predictability and challenge of a schedule. I like calendars and charts and graphs and all of that stuff (so yes, my training schedule is mapped out on a calendar that I will hang by my desk.). Most, no, make that all, of the training schedules I found were for about 10-14 weeks of training before a half, assuming you could start with a base mileage anywhere from 3-6 miles in a run. 10-14 weeks out put my training for the R-n-R half to start somewhere around March-April-ish. Blech. I decided I would do what any semi-sane new runner would do and threw in another half marathon to my race schedule. Oh yes, I did. I am considering it my "practice" half. THAT will be the one I run to get the feel for racing at that distance. The R-n-R half will be a wee bit more serious in that I will go in to it with more of a plan and a definite goal time.

So, drum roll please, my training officially starts this Sunday! My fitness coach recommends training by minutes, not miles, so my first run will be 75 minutes. To date my longest run has been about 67 minutes and I have had several hover more closely around the hour mark, so 75 is going to be good. My longest training run will be 120 minutes, which I will do twice.

In order, I have coming up on my race schedule: a 10K in Feb, 10K in March, St. Paddy's Day 10K (that my friend is coming down from Canada to run with me!!!! Squeee!!!!), and then a half marathon at the end of April. After that half I will do a 5K "fun run" and a 15K in May before running the R-n-R half in June.

I am so excited I could puke. No, really. No, seriously, really.

I don't know what my running will look like after the R-n-R half. I am not going to plan it quite yet as summer will probably bring with it a crazy schedule and lots of travel.

Tonight I got a massage. A good massage. My last one was not so good. I am thinking while I am in training I will go back to her once every other month, or so. My legs, especially, appreciated the TLC!

Melting

2012-01-20T17:22:00.000-08:00

Today the snow is melting. Or rather, being washed away by rain. I'll take it. I have to say, I'm a little over it now and am looking forward to non-snowy weather. So thankful that we had power, food, good health, etc etc during this storm. I read that over 200,000 people in the Puget Sound region were without power, some for quite a while! I don't even know what we would have done, as we have no fireplace or anything to keep us warm. It's also kind of nice that the snow is behind us, as I spend all year hoping and praying for snow and now have had my fix for a while!

Yesterday and today we had playdates with our friend Holli and her adorable children. Yesterday they came to our house and we all went sledding and then today the girls and I walked to their house and played (indoors) there. So much fun to have friends in the 'hood to share snowy days with!

Here are some pics Holli captured on the snow hill.

All four kids.

Me flying down the icy hill.

We got dumped on all day Wednesday but on Thursday we woke up to all of the snow having turned to ice. It was raining a good portion of the day but then the rain turned to snow. We headed up to the sledding hill at about 4:00 and the hill was fast. Like REALLY fast. I stood at the bottom and literally threw myself on the kids as they shot past on the sleds so that they didn't slam in to the trees and bushes that are way down at the bottom. On Wednesday when the girls and I were sledding our sleds stopped on their own well before these trees. My outer thighs are a little sore today from jumping on to the sleds, ha! I took a turn on the sled and I have to say, it was a wee bit scary. I honestly couldn't believe that none of the kids were scared! Holli brought her childhood sled, it was the kind with the metal ski-like thingies on the bottom (I forget what those are called!) and we knew that it would be too fast for the big hill and instead sent the kids down a lower part of the hill on it.

I shared this pic yesterday, but those are the trees at the bottom of the hill.

On Wednesday the sleds stopped about where Eloise is in this shot.

My kids completely fell apart by the time we left, but overall it was still pretty fun. I took some pictures with my phone but somehow they didn't save, as none of them were there when I looked this morning. Boo!

I not-so-secretly can't wait until the girls are older and we can sled down the middle of the street near our house that is a long, steep hill. Probably at least 5-6 times bigger than this hill!

Today I pulled the girls down the sidewalk in the sled (they didn't want to go back to the hill) and it rained on us the whole time. I suspect by tomorrow afternoon there will be little snow left around these parts.

Au Revior, Snowmaggedon 2012!

SnOMG! Snowmaggedon! Snowpocalypse!

2012-01-19T09:34:00.000-08:00

It kind of cracks me up how every snow "storm" we get in Seattle, all of these funny tags are assigned to it. Seattlites are so dang silly.

Heading back up the sledding hill.

Right now Matt is enjoying sun and warmer weather in San Francisco. He left on his work trip before this current round of snow hit and the way it looks, he will return after it is mostly melted. Bummer for him, I think! I have come to really enjoy his travelling. Everything around the house stays just as I like it (i.e. clean and organized!) for a few days and somehow, randomly, the girls are overall so much better behaved. They have this thing where when both Matt and I are home they have to ratchet up the noise, fighting and mess about 18 notches. So with the snow and Matt on a work trip, it has been like a mini-vacation around here!

On their way down!

I feel like our neighborhood looks like scenery in a movie or a play when it snows.

Yesterday we hit the sledding hill around lunch time and had an absolute blast. I personally was loving that I have the energy to run back up the sledding hill every time! Woo Hoo! Workout for Mama! We brought Heidi, our dog, and she found a buddy to chase all over the sledding hill, too.

I love this picture, though it betrays the fun Iris was actually having.

After the sledding hill we stopped by the park and played for a bit before coming home to warm up/dry off and drink hot chocolate. Later in the afternoon we decided to make a snack run and walked up to the mini mart near our house before returning home to do some school and watch another movie. I ended up actually purchasing my shopping cart full of stuff from Target.com. I bought the girls each new snow pants for next year, a snow coat for Eloise for next year, two pairs of leggings for Iris, a shirt for Iris and a pair of running shorts for me . . . all for $59! Good sales combined with 20% off on the site combined with free shipping combined with an EBates gift card made for a cheap shopping spree. Oh darn, writing that reminded me I didn't make this current purchase through EBates. Still getting the hang of it, I think!

Heidi (the dog) chasing her new friend on the sledding hill.

Side note: OMG Iris is growing SO much right now. I feel like every time I look at her she is busting out of her clothes! The poor girl is going to be eight feet tall :(

Winter wonderland!

Today is shaping up to be kind of lame for outdoor activities. Our winter wonderland has turned in to a frozen wonderland. The snow is still there, but liquid drops of ice are falling from the sky right now. Seriously. I don't know why it isn't snowing, because it should be, but instead it is raining ice. All of our snow is frozen solid. Of course, Eloise thinks this would make PERFECT sledding snow. Crazy kid.

Fun at the park.

My secret hope is that school is closed again tomorrow (it was yesterday and is today). If it is, then Eloise will have gone to school for a grand total of TWO hours this whole week. Love it! Home school isn't closed, however. I would love to take the snow days 100% off of formal school, but we have so many lessons to make up so we don't have tons to do come summer break. Yesterday we did a couple of lessons for about an hour, so nothing big.

Look at those red cheeks!

Taking a snow day

2012-01-18T10:21:00.000-08:00

This is the scene out of my window. Interestingly, my phone didn't really capture all of the blowing snow. I can't really tell how much of the snow in the sky is stuff that is still falling or if it is just stuff blowing around. Either way, dang it's purty!

Seattle has been bracing for what some have been calling the biggest snow storm in decades. Of course, the reports started backpedaling a bit as the hours wore on yesterday, so it remains to be seen what kind of snow this will be!

Since we so rarely get snow in Seattle the city mostly shuts down. We are hunkered down at home with a new movie, legos, hot chocolate and internet shopping (or, as I do it, internet "putting things in my shopping cart but not buying") ((does anyone else do that? spend hours "shopping" and then never pull the trigger?)).

In a little while we will venture out to sled. Then we will come back in and do more of the movie/playing/drinking/psuedo-shopping some more.

The thing I love about snow days is they force us to slow to a screeching halt. I suppose, technically, home school doesn't need to stop, and all of my stay-at-home mama duties don't need to stop, but they still do. Eloise is off on a snow day, so darn it, we are all off!

Hopefully I can wield kids, sleds, the dog AND my camera later, and will report back with some fantabulous sledding photos.

10K at Magnuson Park

2012-01-14T13:31:00.000-08:00

This morning I ran a 10K at Seattle's Magnuson Park. When I signed up for it I didn't realize the weather was going to, well, be about as bad as Seattle's weather gets. BUT! If I ran through that, I am a true bad ass, right?

First things first, I PR'd (got a personal record)! 58:39, which was about 4 1/2 minutes faster than my Santa Runs Tacoma 10K. At this rate it won't take long for me to check off one of my resolutions, to run a 10K race in under 55:00.

In the back of my head I am aware of negative splits, but I don't really put TOO much thought in to making them happen. I was really pleased when I got my splits off of my watch and saw that my last mile was my fastest, and my first was my slowest! Yay! I need to find out if, when running something like a 10K if every mile should get progressively faster or how that works. Will ask my running coach.

Speaking of my running coach, I saw her before the race . . . . then she promptly announced she needed to "go warm up" and walked away! I saw her once on the course and that was it. Turns out I wasn't that far behind her, though she was running the 5K. Bummer. I was also supposed to meet at least one gal from the running group I am part of online, but I couldn't find her. That was pretty disappointing, as seeing those girls was a big part of why I ran in this race, but "oh, well!" (as Eloise would say!)

I knew it was going to be cold and rainy (and perhaps even snowy) but I wasn't prepared for the wind. Yuck. I kept my head down a lot of the time to keep my hat from blowing off. The course was about 1/2 on gravelly/muddy trails, which was awful, too. My shoes are trashed from running through mud and I hope I can clean them adequately.

The 5K folks ran one lap and the 10K folks ran two (there was even a group who ran a 15K!) and it was a nice tour through a huge city park. If it had been sunny it would have been downright gorgeous, as the park is right on Lake Washington.

My last gripe about the race was that there wasn't any water on the course for those of us running further than a 5K! At the end we got a container of coconut water, which was yummy, but hello, no water?!?! Next time I will carry my own. I didn't take Gu I was carrying, either, since they are hard for me to choke down without water. Of course, not stopping at a water station meant I never once stopped running, so that helped with my overall time (silver lining, right?)

My biggest stroke of genius for the day, however, was putting hand warmers in each of my gloves. It wasn't until part way in to the second lap that I threw them out.

Now I am looking forward to relaxing the rest of the day and having a Girls' Night with my friends!

How much difference a year makes

2012-01-12T11:30:00.000-08:00

I thought this might be fun.

The picture below is of me one year ago this month, when I set out to lose an unspecified amount of weight before Maui.

This is me today. I have lost about 20 pounds, depending, of course, on the time of day I weigh myself and what I am wearing! I am wearing that same belt today, though you can't see it in the picture. I have it notched a few notches smaller. Woo Hoo! I would have let my hair down to see how much it has grown, but alas, it hasn't been washed in a few days.

Runs with friends

2012-01-07T22:27:00.000-08:00

Today I got drove down to Kent to meet Karla and Zoe (Zoe has a picture of us on her blog!) for a run on the Soos Creek Trail. Yes, it was a long drive, yes it wasn't a run that challenged my speed or added more distance, but it was so very wonderful to be able to run with other ladies in a beautiful new (to me) location. That sort of run is good for the spirit and soul. Maybe some day I can get them to come up to Seattle to join me for a run on Alki!

On my way home I realized that I wanted to somehow make this an unofficial goal for the new year, to make more of an effort to run with other people. Not that I haven't wanted to-- I have really, really, wanted to find "my tribe" so to speak-- but I don't think I have worked as hard at it as I could have. I think if I fit in a couple good runs a month with other people I will be very happy. Of course, I still have my weekly running and bootcamp classes where I get to hang out with awesome, inspiring ladies!

The other thing I have been wondering about is how to move ahead with this time between now and June, when I do my first planned 1/2 marathon. If I started working now I could be ready for a 1/2 in about eight weeks (without setbacks), I think. It certainly won't take me five months to train. When talking with the gals today I learned that one thing I could do is just keep running and increasing mileage to wherever it may end up, likely more than 13.1, and still run my first official 1/2 in June. Seems kind of obvious now, but honestly I have had my visors on and have been stuck thinking I couldn't run ever 13.1 before the race! *smacking my forehead*

The other thing I can do is find another 1/2 to do before the one in June. I don't know which one I would do (maybe a destination race????), and honestly, I am a wee bit nervous at the prospect of registering for TWO 1/2s before ever running one!

The last thing that I thought today was that I can put any increase in mileage on hold until April-ish and focus more on my speed goals-- specifically, getting speedy enough to hit my PR goals for a 5K and a 10K this year. This option is kind of my least favorite right now, though not exactly sure why.

Looking forward to sneaking in one more run tomorrow before our busy week starts back up!

My list of 2012 resolutions

2012-01-02T16:31:00.000-08:00

I decided to do a "bucket list" for the year. Here is what I want to accomplish:

1. Run a sub 25:00 5K race (which is an 8:03 pace).

2. Run a sub 55:00 10K race (which is an 8:52 pace) .

3. Run a 1/2 Marathon (no specific time goal, just finish and feel good and have fun!)

4. Run a "destination" race of a 10K or (preferably) 1/2 Marathon distance. To me, that means a race that is far enough away from my home that I have to spend the night there in order to run AND it has to be somewhere that is truly a destination-- not just some random crappy town.

5. Take ALL of my supplements at least five days a week.

6. Re-name my blog (again) to something that more represents all of the parts of who I am, not just being a mother (added to the fact that I ((after five plus straight years!!)) no longer am nursing).

7. Re-design my blog to give it a little pizzazz. I can't do this myself, and don't even want to learn how, but I would gladly pay someone to do it (if you or someone you know is a blog designer!)

Not terribly fascinating, but goals all the same!

2011 in review

2012-01-02T11:05:00.000-08:00

I tend to have a pretty selective memory, which can be a good or bad, so as far as I can tell 2011 was a pretty amazing year.

As I read back through a few of my posts from 2011 it appears that I also thought 2010 was a great year, as well. Quite a streak I have going!

January 2011 brought many home improvements, the start to my commitment to becoming fit, and major stress over our schooling options for the 2011-2012 school year.

February 2011 brought more of the same in terms of school stress. I started school tours that month and found the school we *hoped* Eloise would get in to. Man, if I had known then what I know now I could have saved myself an ulcer or two in the stress of waiting. We didn't find out until the first week of JUNE that she got in! We also were reaching an incredibly difficult spot with Iris that would take us on quite a journey for help and answers (side note: we are still on that journey, but life isn't anywhere near as rough right now as it was a year ago).

In March 2011 I discovered that I really could eat gluten after having stayed away from it for a year. That was, uh, interesting. I solo parented while Matt was away for an eleven day work trip. I jumped in to creating more solid routines for the girls in order to help lend some order to our days.

April 2011 was all about the parenting class that Matt and I took. I wrote a re-cap for each week, the first being right here (I wrote a re-cap for every week, all of the classes were in April and May). We learned quite a bit in the class, mostly that the issues we have weren't able to be solved in a weekly parenting class. Ha! I also started learning quite a bit about why all of my exercising and eating well wasn't paying off in terms of losing weight. In April we had our world shaken quite a bit by a neighbor girl whom we loved and trusted stealing something that belonged to our girls.

May 2011 ended with a Maui vacation. It seems like we slogged through a lot that month to get to that point, though. In May we pulled Iris out of school, we continued to work hard with the new skills from parenting class and we also had some fun enjoying the beautiful spring weather.

Here are my Maui posts, in order: ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE.

In June 2011 Iris turned seven. I started burning out on Iris's therapy.

In July 2011 the girls and I spent basically the whole month in Michigan.

In August 2011 Eloise turned five. She also tried rock climbing for the first time, joined a soccer team and had her last day of preschool. It was a busy month for her! We had fun comparing our zoo trip to the previous time we had visited the same zoo.

September 2011. Oh, my. Eloise started Kindergarten and Iris started home school. I started a new blog specifically about our schooling adventures.

In October 2011 we got drop-kicked from the homeschooling group we were in. Ouch. I accidentally started running. The girls and I went apple picking. It was Halloween.

In November 2011 we had to say goodbye to Iris's hamster, Cheddar. I kicked up my running and hit a personal running record of 5.6 miles. I also ended up injured.

And that brings us to December 2011. My family joined me for a 5K I ran. I ran my first ever 10K. We had a wonderful, amazing Christmas break.

Happy New Year! I am still working on my resolution (or resolutions perhaps? It might be a 2012 bucket list, of sorts) and should solidify those before too long. We are all jumping right back in to school tomorrow and will look forward to mid-winter break next month!

Resolutions

2011-12-27T23:12:00.001-08:00

I have been wracking my brain trying to come up with a good New Year's Resolution. The perfect resolution is tricky. It has to be attainable (but still something that requires work) and measurable. For instance, last year my resolution was to read 50 books. It wasn't crazy, 50 books is pretty attainable and it was a jump up from, well, probably every year of my life since I started reading "grown up" books. One year I resolved to learn to bake bread-- that one was trickier than it sounds, but I did it!

This year it seems logical that my resolution center around running. I immediately thought that it should be to run a 1/2 marathon but that plan is already in the works. It doesn't quite feel like the ideal resolution when I have been planning it for a couple of months. Then I thought it could be to run a certain number of miles. I know some people will try to run, say, 1,000 miles in a year (which is basically 20 a week). I think right now that is too many miles for me to commit to, but it could work if I scaled back some.

But it doesn't have to be about running. I will run regardless if it is a resolution! How about something else to help make me a better person in 2012? Or a better mother? Or I could learn a new skill? Or work a certain amount on my novel (that I am STILL stuck on!)? Or I could finally get the job I have been needing to get for a while.

It will be an interesting year, no doubt. I could have never predicted what 2011 would bring me! Such is the excitement of it all, no?

Home for the Holidays Virtual 10K

2011-12-24T12:27:00.000-08:00

The other day on Facebook Mel from Tall Mom on the Run posted that a group was hosting something called a Home for the Holidays Virtual 10K (although I think the registration is closed now). It is a 10K that has to be run between December 23rd and the 26th. I decided to do mine today!

I was supposed to meet one or two gals from my running class at Starbucks on Alki but for whatever reason they weren't where I thought they were going to be. One of the gals was only running three miles so I figured I would do two-ish loops of the run she plotted, but no worries, I would do the run by myself! I psyched myself up to run my second 10K in a week, this time alone, and headed back to my car to plot the run on my phone. This was a tedious and frustrating process as it's hard to plot an actual run versus just get directions on google maps on my phone. I found something I thought would work and set off south towards beach drive. My turn-around point was the Menashe House.

Photo Credit: West Seattle Blog

Of course, it was during the day, so the house didn't look quite like this (but all of the lights were on!)

It was a gorgeous day. Overcast, low 40's, a slight breeze but no actual wind . . . or rain!

I headed back north towards the Starbucks and ate my peppermint Gu. I wished I had worn my water belt and had contemplated heading back to my car to take a few swigs of water, but I decided to press on and finish the run. I had a general idea of how far I had gone, based on my mapping, but I decided to not worry about my time since even being a little off in my calculations could really skew my perceptions of my pace and it wasn't worth the worry.

After eating my Gu (can you really call it eating? It's not drinking, though. More like slurped, maybe?) I headed northwest on Alki until I hit somewhere around where I thought my turn-around point was. I paused for a moment and high-tailed it back towards Starbucks.

It turned out I actually ran 6.47 miles in a time of 1:07. Not too shabby, that was about what I ran my 10K last weekend in.

I stopped and got a café mole for Matt and I on my way home. Nom nom nom.

I asked Matt to snap a photo of me when I got home. This is my new running skirt! Yesterday I wore this exact same outfit just without my (heart) Delridge shirt over it. With my pink hat and pink accented sneakers I figured I looked like what Elle Woods would look like if she were a runner. Ha!

The jury is still out on the running skirt. I loved it yesterday but today it felt a little too lose. I am worried I bought the wrong size. I got two identical styles and sizes but this one even fit tighter than the other one and I have to send that one back.

Anyways, the outfit wasn't festive, in terms of Christmas, but it was still fun!

I am glad I got this run done today. Now I can set to work cooking Christmas Eve dinner and eat to my heart's content tonight!

Merry Christmas!

Christmas break, part III

2011-12-23T17:00:00.000-08:00

This morning it was time for "gingerbread" houses! I say it like that because no actual gingerbread was harmed in the making of the houses. We have been using graham crackers for the past three years because it is just so much easier. In the past I have bought gingerbread house kits, and those are even easier, but our version works when you are racing around at the last minute to every store in town and they are all sold out of kits (not that I speak from experience or anything . . . ). I guess you could say my procrastination three years ago led us to a wonderful new tradition!

The girls and I picked out a few different kinds of candy. Every year it's a different assortment.

First words out of Eloise's mouth this morning were "can we go make gingerbread houses now?!?!" We typically do the houses on Christmas Eve, but this year I made the decision to do them on the 23rd. Matt is home today and we have so much to do tomorrow, I figured it best to spread the festivities out a bit more.

The next two pictures are Matt and Iris's house. It is a boathouse. It appears there is a party going on, lots of gummy bears wearing marshmallow hats!

Oh, man. My stomach is killing me. I go absolutely crazy for candy. It is a problem.

This year we built the houses in teams. In previous years we each had our own, but I like this way a little more. Lord knows we don't really need four separate houses full of candy sitting around!

Below is Eloise and my house. It is a cabin with an ocean and a boat.

Iris decided to connect them both.

My silly monkeys!

Merry Christmas Eve, Eve!

Christmas break, part II

2011-12-23T11:10:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday the girls and I ventured out for some last minute (or at least, fairly last minute for my taste!) and then downtown to the Seattle Center for some ice skating. The girls had never been ice skating and as for me? Well, it's been yeeeeeeears. I honestly couldn't say for sure the last time I donned ice skates.

The rink was fairly small and packed with people, but we had a great time. Since the girls are both good at roller skating they picked up on ice skating pretty quickly.

Iris kind of looked like she was going to break her ankle. She said she couldn't keep her feet straight up and down, so I tried not to worry about it too much.

I am glad we were able to give ice skating a try. I know there are some indoor places in the area so we may check those out some day.

Eloise went back and forth between skating alone just fine and then wanting to use a "walker". The little girl she was next to became her new BFF at the rink. She just went around and around with the girl and her mother, I couldn't get anywhere near her. I kept wondering if the girl's mom (the dad was there, too) thought Eloise was some random stray child who attached herself to them a wee bit too enthusiastically.

Christmas break, part I

2011-12-22T23:27:00.000-08:00

The first few days of our Christmas break have been partly really fun and partly kind of making me want to pull my hair out. It usually goes that I plan something for the girls and I to do and it works out pretty well until one or both of the girls decides they aren't interested in listening to pretty much anything I say. Ah, well.

On Tuesday we made sugar cut-out cookies. I realized as I was mixing the dough that it is my Great Grandma's recipe that was handed down to me by my Grandma and I made them with my Mom's stand mixer. And along the way, I was passing it all along to my own girls. Five generation of girls all a part of this tradition. Sadly, my girls don't have the pure joy of eating sugar cookies made by my Grandma. I am sure I will try my whole life and mine won't taste just like hers. My Grandma is also the reason that the only other holiday treat I made this year is chex mix, and of course I make it the same way she does. For several years she sent us a care package at Christmas of her baked goodies. This year she didn't, instead opting for a check. I will never be bummed about receiving money, but I would return it in a heartbeat for just one bag of her cookies.

As I was on the phone with my Mom last night I was telling her this same thing. How in my mind, the perfect gift from my Grandma is a box of her goodies. She told me while she was at the family Christmas gathering she would try to snag some treats and send them out to me. Yay!

My Mom was lamenting how much it cost to ship out the Christmas gifts they got (and made) for Matt, the girls and I. She explained that she didn't understand why she and my Dad didn't just order things online and have them shipped, instead opting for shopping themselves and then mailing them to us. I replied that I understood, buying online is totally the way to go these days.

But then, today I opened the boxes she sent. The packages inside were all wrapped by her and her hand writing was on the tags. My Mom and Dad made something for the girls and I could smell the stain on the wood. It reminded me of my Dad. In that moment I was so grateful they paid the arm and a leg for shipping the gifts themselves. Boxes from Amazon are always fun, but they certainly miss that connection to the person they are from.

So, anyways, the girls and I bakes and frosted cookies on Tuesday before heading out to explore the creek near our house. I love the creek, it makes me feel so removed from the city to hang out next to it, but I still feel a little uneasy about it. We are still in a not-so-nice part of town and I know there can be, shall we say, unsavory characters down there. Luckily we have never personally had any issues, but I always wonder.

The girls were playing an elaborate game of spies.

I spent most of the day messing around with a lens my brother-in-law loaned to me. I love the lens but because I have basically the lowest end model of Nikon's DSLR it doesn't auto-focus on my camera. Phooey. I tried to get some decent shots, but they are all at least a little blurry.

Oh, if only we had snow! The weather has been in the low 40's and sunny for a few days. That sounds nice, but it's so unbelievably boring. Seattle hasn't even really had the trademark Fall rains. Just slightly more and less amounts of cold and sun or clouds. I want snow. Heaps and piles of white, fluffy snow!

Something other than running, perhaps?

2011-12-18T09:09:00.000-08:00

So I realized that I have inundated my blog with posts about running lately. Many apologies to those of you who come to read updates on something other than that! I have wondered if running deserves its own spin-off blog, but I just don't have the energy to set that up right now.

Saturday marked our official first day of Christmas break. I have such a love/hate relationship with school, both at home and at public school so I usually really look forward to the breaks so we can sloooow down.

Iris has been cruising right along in her home school curriculum and we have both really enjoyed having everything so mapped out for us. Our fancy pants math curriculum is a little to, errr, fancy for me to figure out right now, so I am just working through a more basic one for now. When I ordered it I don't think I realized what a steep learning curve the curriculum would have just to start using it. Yeesh.

Eloise received her first ever report card (awwww!) so that was kind of fun. For her age they don't grade the children with the typical A, B, C in subject areas, but rather they assign them a number that corresponds to their level of momentum in certain areas. Like a 1-2 if they just can't seem to grasp a concept or a 4-5 if they are just flying along past expectations. Eloise is doing solidly average on everything expected of her, which is what I would have thought for her. Apparently she is still working on her "classroom civics" or something like that . . . again, exactly what I would have thought for her!

A couple of weeks ago Iris and I went with friends to visit our "local" American Girl store (I love that they call it the Seattle store when it's like 15 miles north of the city!). It was a pretty rotten visit, as it turned out Iris was sick, but we did get a cute picture of her in front of the store with her Felicity doll!

I promised her we would go back again when she didn't feel so terrible. AFTER Christmas. Good lord, that place was an absolute zoo!

It is all about American Girl in our house right now. Kind of a racket, but you know, I am sure I would have loved them when I was Iris's age, so I understand it.

Santa Runs Tacoma 10K

2011-12-17T21:44:00.000-08:00

Little did I know that TODAY was going to be the best run yet! I did it. I ran my 10K! My time was 1:02:58, which I am pretty darn proud of. I know that I want to run a sub one hour 10K, so I did have that time in the back of my head, wondering how close I would get to it. I am definitely within range to hit my goal soon, soon, soon! First and foremost, though, is that I loved every minute of the run. I felt great the entire time. I only stopped running to get water at the 5K turn-around point, which was a goal I was hoping to attain. I didn't know if I could run the whole thing. I also ran faster the second 5K than I did the first, which is considered to be a good thing (at least, according to my fitness coach!) I placed 20/39 for the females running the 10K in my age group, as well.

I thought I was going to be dying the rest of the day, but I feel fine. I was/am tired, but I had to get up pretty early, so I am no more tired than I would usually be on an early rising day.

The other really fun thing is that I finally got to meet some of the awesome, inspirational runners that I have been ~~stalking~~ following online. I am also in a facebook group with these ladies and was happy to be sorta part of their group for this run by wearing a matching outfit. I met Mel from Tall Mom on the Run, Kerrie from Mom vs Marathon, Zoe from Run Zoe Run, Kim from (Just) Trying is for Little Girls, Tiffany from Musings of a Runner Girl and Alma and Karla, who I think have blogs but I can't seem to locate them right now. And I hope that is everyone I met-- I found the group just after I crossed the finish line so I was a wee bit out of it! Three of the ladies posed for this picture with me later:

That would be the race director who photo bombed us! ha!

And here is my bib (interesting how it looks white with red numbers in the photo above!). I love that I got 2012 because that is going to be MY year!

Can't wait for the next one!

Getting ready for "the big one"

2011-12-16T17:13:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I will be attempting my longest run to date-- a 10K. Or 6.2 miles, for you American readers. But doesn't 10K sound nicer? I think henceforth I will report all of my runs in kilometers, as it sounds so much . . . more. So, yeah. A 10K. I waffled back and forth on this until only a few days ago. Since I was hit with some recent set-backs I had no idea if I would be ready. But I think I am. I suppose we will find out! Today I am feeling kind of awful-- really starting to wonder if my recent issues are the same I got rid of when I booted gluten out of my diet for a year. I think after Christmas I will try to eliminate it again and see how I feel, because I am tired of almost daily nausea/stomach pains once again.

So, yeah. A 10K! I am wearing the same outfit I wore last weekend for the Jingle Bell Run since this is another holiday themed run. I am currently making sure my ipod playlist is up to par and trying to figure out the best way to watch my time while I run. Since I *think* I am getting a fancy running watch for Christmas I put off buying one, but now I really, really, really wish I had one. It's going to be a little tough to run this without being keenly aware of my pace. My mantra will just be "go slow!" Most of the runners tomorrow are going to be running a 5K so the first half of the run everyone will be speeding past me. A sort tortoise and the hare scenario, if you will. If I try to keep up with them, I will wear myself out instantly.

Last night my fitness/running class buddies (most of the gals overlap the two classes, which are taught by the same instructor) gathered for a holiday party and gift exchange after our last class of the year. Man, I adore these ladies so very much. They have pushed me and supported me and run beside me, literally and figuratively, for the past few months. I can't wait to see what the new year holds for our group!

The classes are taking a break until the new year and I plan on taking it easier over that time. Not totally off-- if only because it is so crazy hard to get back in to it after a complete break.

After the break, though, I am jumping in to training mode. Back in October I signed up to run a half marathon in June 2012, but I have a sneaking suspicion I might be ready before then. Planning to maybe think about possibly running The Lake Sammamish Half in March (shhh!) if training in the new year goes well. I like the idea of my first half being, well, much smaller than the Rock-n-Roll Half. We will see.

It depends very much on whether or not I keel over and die tomorrow at the 10K.

Jingle Bell Run 5k

2011-12-11T15:42:00.001-08:00

Today I, along with 4,000+ other people, ran the 5k Jingle Bell Run in downtown Seattle. I was looking forward to this run for lots of reasons, it was a chance to run on downtown streets, I was supposed to run with friends (unfortunately I wasn't able to find them before the run started), I got to dress up cute in my Sock It To Me red and white striped pirate tights and my Team Sparkle red sparkly skirt, AND I was going to rock this 5k with a zooming fast pace.

My husband and girls came along for support and to run the kids 1k. As I surveyed the swelling crowd I told Matt that I had a feeling it was going to be packed and this might not be the race to get my pride-soaring PR (personal record).

Feeling good pre-race!

I have had a few runs on Alki recently where my pace was sub-9:00 for 3-5 miles and I knew that the energy of a crowd is always good for a little extra stamina.

But then I showed up on the starting line, with allllll of those people. I stood near the 8:00-9:00 min pace marker. My running/fitness coach, who I was hoping to trail, was nowhere in sight (remember, I didn't find my peeps before the race?) and I had no watch, no way of tracking my progress at all. Of course, none of that really mattered because the course was SO packed with people that I very rarely ever felt like I was just cruising. Instead I bobbed and weaved and slowed behind strings of walkers, dogs and strollers and hopped on and off curbs to make my way through and . . . . I made it out with a time of 30:00 on the nose. I was/am so disappointed. I knew I could have had a 26:00 or 27:00 finish if I had been able to actually RUN. It was annoying because the waves of runners were supposed to go according to how fast they thought they would run -- so there shouldn't have been walkers/kids/strollers lined up in front of the 8:00-9:00 min pace marker in the wave I left in. Ah, well.

I wished that I either could have just run what I wanted to or have been able to relax and let go and realize this was not my run to garner my PR and enjoy the crowd. Unfortunately I did neither.

I have another run coming up next weekend and am curious if it is going to be as crowded. I haven't decided yet if I will do the 5k or 10k, either. I signed up for the 10k but am not sure I will be ready. If I do it, the goal will be to finish my first one and feel good about myself. If I do the 5k I will probably secretly hope to get the 26:00 or 27:00 finish I wanted today. We'll see.

Zzzzzzzzzzz.

2011-12-09T21:00:00.001-08:00

The other night I got a notice from Goodreads that I have read 46 of my 50 book goal for the year. CRAP. I remember a time in the year when I was on track to easily read 75 books. Then, what happened? Well, this school year and my new fitness routine happened. So that means when I fling myself in to my bed at night I am so tired I can barely randomly punch buttons on my phone to check Facebook, let alone read and process a story line. It's kind of sad, really. I do have three books in my pile that I can put on my Goodreads list, but they are all non-fiction running references. Interesting (at least, to me), but not really in the intended spirit of reaching a reading goal.

So, yeah, my days are busy. Well, maybe not always busy, but definitely always exhausting.

Speaking of exhausting, I'm just going to say it: I kind of am starting to be annoyed with Christmas. It feels like everything is being jam packed in to a few short weeks. Money, time, patience, energy, you name it, it's in short supply right now. Kind of driving me crazy. I think about all of the stuff we "have to" do before Christmas-- and it's all awesome, fun, wonderful stuff-- but it just stresses me out to think about doing it all in a limited amount of time. I wish we could save some of this activity for the doldrums of February! Of course, I sound like a jerk complaining about it, because how lucky am I to have my biggest complaint be that I have too many amazing things in my life taking me too many directions at the same time?

Thankfully Matt has been taking off Fridays all month long so that has been immensely helpful. Today he was Iris's "substitute" teacher and it was such a weight off my back to know she was getting her lessons done without me even being at home. AND he took her on her field trip this week . . . to see the Gingerbread Houses!

The girls will be on their winter break from school starting on the 19th and can I just say that I am so very excited for it? I honestly am. I like having them home and having free time with them to just do whatever, even if that means sitting in our jammies all day watching Phineas and Ferb. In fact, I think that will be exactly what day one of Winter break will hold for us.

Day two will be reading my last few books to hit my goal for 2011.

Hitting our stride

2011-12-05T12:52:00.001-08:00

Finally things on the home school front are turning out wonderfully day after day!

Check out The Schooling Bridge for more on that topic.

Running and weight loss

2011-12-02T13:01:00.001-08:00

I started my fitness kick with only one goal in mind: lose weight for Maui. Maui came and went last May (and yes, I am still sad that we couldn't stay there forever!) but luckily the fitness bug seems to have stuck with me.

Since I have begun running am I still concerned with numbers, only now they aren't on the scale, they are how many miles am I running and what my times are. Do I still get on the scale? Yes, but I quickly check the number and that's it. To be honest, I am not watching what I eat *that* closely, so the number on the scale tells simply confirms that I am not out-eating my fitness efforts.

This week something incredibly exciting happened, though. I had to get an outfit to wear to my husband's work Christmas party and strolled in to the first store I recognized at the mall: Banana Republic. I admitted to the saleslady that I am woefully inept at dressing nicely and asked for her help in picking something out. She grabbed handfuls of clothes and hung them in the dressing room for me. I quickly scanned the picks and began trying them on. Eventually I came across and adorable skirt that had a size 8 tag on it. I paused, and decided to try the skirt on, just for giggles. Maybe the skirt would slide up to my thighs, I thought.

I pulled the skirt on. It went all the way up. The zipper? It zipped. It. Looked. Awesome. Now, I am well aware that all clothes are sized differently and a size 8 skirt at one store might be the same size as 12 in another, but still. It was a fun moment. I ended up leaving the store with a dress and a shrug, both in sizes smaller than I have worn in many, many years. Probably should admit that I came home and ordered the skirt online-- lord knows what I will wear it with, maybe everything? Who cares!

After my muscle injury and fall last week I have struggled with getting back in to running the last few times I have been out. On Sunday I went to watch the runners at the Seattle half and full marathon and is was incredibly inspiring to watch everyone giving it their all despite the cold, wind and rain. I left the race to go running myself on a trail along Alki, which is on the Puget Sound. It was a rough, rough run with the awful weather. However I did four miles in my fastest time yet, so that is something to be proud of! At the end of the run I sat down in my car to make a phone call to my sister. As I stared out at the water while chatting I saw several heads surface and slip back in to the water-- it was seals! I screamed in to my poor sister's ear and jumped out of the car. Five seals were swimming by right in front of me. What a treat! I have lived in Seattle for just over ten years and have never seen seals. I hear them all of the time, but have never seen them. I also have never seen whales, but that is another story for another day.

A low-key running class on Tuesday where I had a lot of one-on-one attention from my instructor helped me reinvigorate even more. I got some pointers on my form plus some great stretching and exercise ideas to help stave off any more injuries. Hopefully the upward trend in my training continues.

Now I have to gear up for a couple of holiday runs-- I signed up to do a 5K and a 10K, though I still am not 100% sure I can do the 10K, I may change it to a 5K. I will probably know within a week or so if I will feel ready.

Check out The Schooling Bridge

2011-11-29T16:08:00.001-08:00

I just updated about Eloise's kindergarten progress. Come check it out!

Oh what a day.

2011-11-24T21:39:00.001-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving! I love Thanksgiving. It is kind of the perfect holiday in that it isn't full of buying stuff-- except food-- and you get to spend a fun day with friends and family. For the past few years we have spent Thanksgiving at the home of friends we love. My husband has known them for most of his life (and I have known them for as long as I have known my husband) and all of our kids are about the same age. It is such a joy to see how much has changed every year while also having so much about the tradition stay pretty much the same. The food is always amazing, the kids are always loud, the grown-ups are always laughing. So perfect.

Today, though, we were hit with a couple decent sized annoyances before we were able to enjoy ourselves. This morning I took the family dog running with me, which I have never done before. I figured she needed the exercise since we would be gone all day and I knew it wouldn't be a fast or long run for me. Just past my turn around point a couple with two dogs came past and my dog tried to lunge at them. I held her leash short and she reared up on her hind legs, in the process I lost my footing on the wet asphalt and came crashing down. I scraped my left thigh and elbow pretty good and sat on the ground stunned for a moment before I started crying. I freaked out because my piriformis muscle on that side had been in a lot of pain for a few days and I immediately thought I was toast after the fall. I got up, brushed myself off and limped home. The verdict is still out on how much damage I did beyond the road rash/bruising/swelling, but hopefully it isn't as bad as I imagine.

I was pretty sad/mad/annoyed with the whole thing and had to muster up some energy to carry on with the rest of day. I started to realize it wasn't the worst thing in the world (yes, I can be pretty melodramatic!) and that I had so much be grateful for all around me on Thanksgiving day.

A few hours later my family got ready and piled in to the car. It had been making a bad noise but, well, we were getting used to random bad noises with the car. It was concerning, but didn't overly worry us. On our way to our friends' house some warning lights started coming on, then it became hard to steer. We pulled over at a gas station and we finally figured out that the girls and I would take a cab to our friends' house while Matt waited the hour plus for the tow truck. What a pain in the ass. Our friends went to pick Matt up and they got back to their house just as the food was being set out for dinner. Thank goodness. A beautiful meal with people we love made the troubles of the day fall away.

I am so thankful that although the car is broken we are able to get it fixed. Despite plunking down almost a grand two weeks ago to get something else fixed. Or maybe this is finally the time to get a new car? We will see. But either way, thank goodness for my husband's job. Thank goodness for our health. Thank goodness for love and family and being together and getting through the shitty stuff but being in it together as a team.

Earlier this week all four of us worked together to put together an IKEA bed for Eloise. It took four hours, but we did it. Yes, the girls got in the way a bunch and a few little things went awry, but we did it. We worked as a team, and I am so thankful to have this team, my family, on Thanksgiving day and every day.

Saying goodbye to Cheddar

2011-11-23T20:43:00.001-08:00

Last night we had to do one of those super crappy things that really makes me sort of hate this parenting gig: we had to give away Iris's hamster, Cheddar.

I don't know how much I ever wrote about Cheddar, so here is a quick background: Iris had wanted a hamster for a pretty long time, so for her seventh birthday a hamster was her only gift from us. Well, technically, the hamster cage and all of the supplies was the gift. We didn't get the hamster until late July, a few weeks after her birthday, because we were gone on a three week vacation after she turned seven.

We found a hamster who loved to be held, who was great with the girls and who was just all around completely adorable. All of us in the family grew to adore him. For reasons which we never figured out, though Iris truly loved Cheddar and was often gentle with him, she treated him very poorly enough of the time that it was getting stressful for all of us-- most especially Cheddar. We tried different things and made rules around how to handle him and talked about it with her until we were blue in the face, but none of it worked. The behavior kept getting worse and worse until one night we were scared he might have been hurt enough that he wouldn't live. That night was the final straw. He needed a safer place to live. We explained our decision to Iris and she seemed a little indifferent and then a little sad.

While I would love to hash out all of my thoughts about why this was happening or what else we could have done, I don't really want to get too much more in to it here. I think it's just one more piece of Iris's complicated picture and while she is a sweet, amazing, loving little girl, sometimes she does things she doesn't really understand, and regrets, but it doesn't stop her from doing them.

It was a tricky situation because although I would have been happy to take care of Cheddar for the rest of his days, we didn't want Iris interacting with him. It didn't seem fair to have him in the house and keep her away from him, though.

We were fortunate to have a dear friend of ours-- Iris's best friend and her mom-- take Cheddar. Although Iris, and Eloise, knew for a few days that Cheddar would eventually be going to a new home, the process of my friend calling and saying they would take him and him going home with them was a matter of a few minutes. Eloise, especially, was incredibly upset. Iris was very sad, as well, but she tends to be a little more stoic about her emotions. I am glad that after the initial heart-breaking sadness about Cheddar leaving wore off neither girl seemed to be acting any different. I don't know what that means-- probably just their own kid way of dealing with it, I suppose.

This whole thing has kind of rattled me a bit, for lots of reasons. I don't know why Iris acted towards him the way she did. I don't know if or when we can get another pet. I don't know why I miss that darn hamster so much.

Obsession

2011-11-19T09:15:00.000-08:00

It's true. I have gotten a wee bit, um, obsessed, with running. I've been running or attending a "boot camp" most days of the week and kind of mildly sulking on my (usually forced) days off.

There are so many things I love about running-- but the biggest one is how strong it makes me feel. Sometimes, in the middle of a long run, I just think "holy crap, I'm really doing this!" and feel a lot of inner pride for pushing myself and for going past my pre-conceived limits. The other night at my running class our instructor asked us all to share what we say to motivate ourselves during a run. I said "I tell myself I am strong and I am awesome" and basically, I do. And sometimes, it's not so much in a motivating way-- sometimes it's more in the way that I am in awe of myself, like, "whoa, I AM strong! and I AM awesome! look at me!" I had to giggle when I found out that several of my classmates, including my instructor, borrowed it for their own motivation, too! We are all strong and awesome!

Though I got serious about my fitness last January, then more serious by joining a boot camp class in July, I didn't really start running until October. I credit my overall level of fitness with helping me hit the ground running (so to speak) and being able to run close to three miles right off the bat. Yes, it was a tough run that first night, but I still did it. Since that night I have upped and upped and upped my mileage so that now my personal record in one run is 5.6 miles, which is two laps of the inner path around Green Lake:

It only recently occurred to me that I might be pushing myself a bit too hard. I have had a few aches and pains, and when I research how to deal with them it always says they most often occur from overuse. Oops. "But I wanna ruuuuuun!" I whine. I am now learning the fine art of not just pushing myself to go further, but also allowing myself the R&R my body needs to recover and build muscle. Who knew you weren't really building muscle as you actively pound the pavement? Nope, you need to adequately rest in order to do that.

I looked up a 10K training plan last night to figure out what rest/run/cross-training days should really look like so I have a better idea of what I should be doing. It's helped me relax a little and know I can get to where I want to be without constantly pushing for more mileage every time I lace up my sneakers.

The other fun part about running is the whole new world of running gear! I decided that the money I made selling my wedding dress last summer would be well spent on outfitting me for running-- and that is a good thing, as running clothes (at least, the uber-techy kind) are not at all cheap. I do hit up a local discount store for a lot of things, but that will only get me so far. Now I scour websites looking for deals on fun pieces to add to my wardrobe. My newest obsession is finding the perfect running skirt (or skirts, if I can afford it!). They look so darn cute in the pictures!

Running, soccer, home school, babysitter and snow. In that order.

2011-11-13T20:47:00.001-08:00

Oh geez, too long between updates! Things have picked up even more around here, I suppose.

Last week I signed up to run a 10K in December. Um, yeah. I signed up kind of randomly so that I would have the chance to run with a cool group of ladies I met online, but I do think I will be ready for it. Last weekend I ran 4.5 miles in an hour and this weekend I did 5.4 miles in just under the same amount of time. Since a 10K is 6.2 miles, I should be good to go a month from now! Whew! If you would have told me even three months ago that I could run for an hour straight I would have said "No WAY. Nope. I would die." and I have to admit that I constantly amaze myself at what I am able to accomplish, which is always a good feeling.

Today was Eloise's last soccer game of the season. I have to admit, I am glad. I definitely go through phases where I am excited to take on more activity in our lives, but then I appreciate the break when that activity is done. Especially with the cold weather descending on us and the lack of sunlight . . . . it's a good time of year to scale back. Eloise has said she wants to join soccer again in the Spring, which is great. She can be a bit of a, well, jerk, on the soccer field sometimes and that has proven a bit frustrating. Today, for instance, she just randomly whacked one of the girls from the other soccer team and then told her coach that she didn't touch her. Grrrr. However her skills and her enthusiasm for the game are improving, so that is wonderful.

We got a whole pile of brand new curriculum for Iris's homeschooling and I am excited to dig in tomorrow. There will be a week of school and then a whole week off, as our home school schedule follows Eloise's public school schedule. Last week when Eloise stayed home sick one day I learned that it is very tricky to do school with Iris when Eloise is home. I am sure if I got a little more creative I could figure out ways to keep Eloise busy or do a project that engages both of them, but, well, sometimes I don't feel very creative.

Iris has a new babysitter that comes five hours a week and we both looooove her. She does cool projects with Iris, like teaching her how to make little felted characters, and takes her rollerskating and plays with her. Iris likes the break from me and I like the break for a little alone time and time to do errands without dragging Iris along.

Last but not least, I am really excited for Christmas and winter to get here! I just read a weather report that said it will get cold enough for possible snow this week and I doubt there is anyone in Seattle who wants it to snow worse than I do! Growing up in Wisconsin, you would think I would have had my share of snow, but no. Getting snow in Seattle is such a treat. If snow was here for months while temps hovered around freezing, I would be singing a different tune, but a few days of being dumped on before it all melts away is always welcome.

Halloween

2011-11-03T18:35:00.000-07:00

I hate when I wait too long between blog posts because then I have too many things to write and not enough time to write it all.

Ah, such a curse, right?!

I will focus on some Halloween activities, because Halloween pictures are always cute.

The weekend before Halloween I ran my first official 5K. I have run a 5K distance, and more, before the race, so I wasn't at all concerned about that, but I was definitely nervous about doing it in an organized run. I ran in the "Pumpkin Push 5K" at Seward Park, so the route was gorgeous and it was a truly beautiful, sunny day in Seattle, so we got lucky! I went with a new friend, and we ran most of the race together, chatting along the way. I decided to break ahead on the only hill about 1/2 way through since, well, I don't know, I guess I just felt like it. I finished the run with a respectable 33 min chip time, though I was hoping for 30 mins or less. 33 mins put me smack in the middle of the females in my age range, though, so I have nothing to complain about! There were photographers there, but I didn't order the pictures. You will just have to imagine how bad-ass I looked racing towards the finish line!

On Saturday afternoon the girls and I carved pumpkins. Sadly, all I have is our "before" shots because I was lazy taking "after" shots and when we got home from trick-or-treating someone had taken the girls' pumpkins off of our porch and smashed them in the street. Let me tell you, it really sucks having to explain to sad children why someone would smash the pumpkins they worked so hard on. I was pretty angry, but what can you do, other than take better precautions next time?

On Halloween night I suddenly realized that I was in no mood to go trick-or-treating, but once we starting getting ready (and by "we" I mean, I got Iris and Eloise ready) I got more in to the spirit. Their costumes are pretty great every year, and for the past few years they decided on their own what they would be, but this year was super fun. I present to you, Medusa and the Angel!

Turning Iris to stone.

I felt very "Toddlers and Tiaras" applying eye liner to my five year old.

I made Eloise's headband, though I wasn't very pleased with how it held together. I hot glued the plastic snakes to a fabric covered headband. The snakes kept coming off! I didn't know another way to get them to stay on, so by the time we were trick-or-treating the head piece had already lost about three snakes.

Last year we went trick-or-treating in my husband's sister's 'hood. Their particular hood, and house, go ALL out for Halloween. It's amazing. Hundreds of kids flock there for Halloween so it's also very fun to see so many people out and about. My sister-in-law and her husband live in a communal house with many very smart and very talented people so they put on a huge production for Halloween. Last year they did an elaborate zombie theme and this year they did a "twisted circus" theme. My brother-in-law said they gave out 1700 pieces of candy, with one piece to each child who came through (of course, some kids came more than once, but certainly not ALL!)

More field trip adventures!

2011-10-26T19:11:00.001-07:00

We went on two field trips today. There are tons of pictures HERE!

A new running record

2011-10-25T22:49:00.000-07:00

Remember back at the beginning of the month (three weeks ago today, actually) I posted about doing a running class and having run down, then back up, then back down, then back up a hill with a 6% grade (though I checked something else today and it told me 10% grade, but whatever, it is a rockin' hill)? It is .7 miles each way. Well, tonight I did that same run again, but added another down and back! When I totalled up that run three times plus the walk to and from the top of the hill with my running group, I ran 4.5 miles. Holy moley. I think that might be the farthest I've ever ran in one running session!

My shins are hurting, which my instructor said is probably because I am pushing myself too hard too soon (gee, maybe she could have told me that before I started?) but it's not horrendous. I have been taking ibuprofen and icing my shins and it's tolerable. Man, feeling awesome from that kind of running totally outweighs some cranky shins (and remind me I wrote that when I am whining about being sidelined with an injury!).

Last night I did just a wee bit under four miles on a long flat stretch and I *think* I made my best time. I knew exactly how fast I ran because I timed it. Last week at running classes we ran 800s (1/2 mile) several times and though we were timed, and my times added up to a teensy bit faster than last night, each 800 came with a break between it, which obviously made them a bit easier to do.

This weekend I might get to do my first 5K, which would be really exciting!

Anyways, I just feel like tooting my own horn a bit, since this running thing is such an accomplishment for me. Thanks for bearing with me! Since I hope to be on a half marathon training plan you might be seeing more of these kinds of posts around these parts.

Home school projects

2011-10-25T10:30:00.000-07:00

Iris and I have found that working on projects is a great use of our schooling time!

Check out the recent projects at my other blog The Schooling Bridge.

Where Were We Today?

2011-10-19T20:44:00.001-07:00

Come read and find out! The Schooling Bridge.

My Head is Swimming

2011-10-17T21:28:00.000-07:00

I am kind of in the middle of one of those times where my head is full of so much stuff, so much heavy, important stuff, that I just almost can't think about any of it. I don't know where to start.

So you know what I did today to re-direct some of my energy? I signed up for a half marathon. Ha! Yeah, yeah, I know I wrote in my birthday post that I wouldn't even go there, but I did anyways. The 1/2 is in June and so far everyone I have asked (including my trainer) says I can TOTALLY do it, which means one of two things: I actually can do it, or else my friends are sadistic and are looking forward to me writhing in pain and misery come June 23rd. But, it is called the Rock-n-Roll Half Marathon, so come on, if I'm going to run one, that is right up my alley.

I have run 3 miles fairly easily a couple of times over the last week so I have a bit of confidence that I am starting from a place just a step up from total beginner.

My favorite thing about running is that I only think of two things while doing it: putting one foot in front of the other and the music playing on my ipod.

So what am I avoiding?

I have to make some decisions about actual, real live curriculum for Iris's homeschooling. I started off kind of winging it with some basic guidance, but now that we are signed up for an online public school they will fund and oversee our curriculum, so the sky is sort of the limit now. Which is great, except for the world of homeschooling curriculum is insanely vast and OHMYGOD if I don't pick the right one my kid will be dumb boring and stupid the rest of her life! Okay, just kidding, but it does feel pretty overwhelming.

The only thing overshadowing ALL of that is trying to figure out what to do for therapy and whatnot for Iris. This is one of those cases where the more opinions I seek, the more contradictory information I gather. It is so draining, because I want everyone I talk to to have the right answer, but no one does, of course. And them I am supposed to figure out the best thing to do, but this is my daughter we are talking about, and it is sort of scary to have no clue what the best thing to do is.

Of course, now that we've been drop-kicked from the homeschooling group, Iris is home with me all day every day and I have zero time not only for myself, but also for making any phone calls or working on figuring stuff out. If I am not directly supervising her schooling she won't work on it, so it becomes a juggling act of what I need to get done versus what I need her to get done.

And yes, finding a babysitter is on my to-do list. A babysitter would be immensely helpful, but it takes an awful lot of time to find the right one.

And a box of ladies, on channel eighty*

2011-10-12T23:21:00.001-07:00

I have now celebrated a decade of birthdays in Seattle. Guess this year will be kind of like that-- a decade of marking all sorts of things I started when I moved here. It is interesting to me that pretty much nothing in my life now connects back to where I was in my life when I started on a new path 2,000 miles from home. A decade ago I ate Thai food for my birthday dinner . . . wait! I ate Thai food tonight, too! Okay, maybe not totally different.

This morning Iris really wanted to make me breakfast in bed. I asked Matt to steer her towards letting me order a breakfast and I ate it at the table. It was one of those things that completely threw off my morning routine, but it was so darn cute how excited she was, I wanted her to know I appreciated her effort.

As a gift I decided to buy myself a new pair of running shoes so I went to a local running store and had them fit me for the right ones. My pickiness meant I had to special order a pair, so it will be nice to try those out when they arrive.

Today I was wondering if I am yet in the best shape of my life. I might have been in better shape when I did the Danskin Triathlon in 2001, but I was also ten years younger, so what I lacked in strength I made up for in sheer ignorance of my limits.

Good lord, I am getting old.

But this year I want to truly hit that spot where I am, without question, stronger and healthier than ever before. I am very, very new to running but I thought it would be fun to have a medium term goal of running a 10K. My thoughts skitted over to a 1/2 marathon, but whoa nelly, I can run a 5K now if I push myself to almost puking, so a 1/2 marathon is a pipe dream at this point. I also want to do just one real push-up. Just one! It is amazing how hard I work out and still can't do a damn push-up. It's like my arms are immune to strength training.

Anyways, I need something active, something to release my stress, and exercise is good. Did you know that it has been shown that exercise has at least the same success rate for treating depression as drugs? I don't have depression (just pointing that out. Going insane? Likely. But not depressed.) I still want to get back in to writing eventually, but every mother knows we are lucky to get any time at all for ourselves, let alone enough to do everything we wish we could!

So, yep. Another year older. Hopefully wiser, but who knows. I am not convinced that is always how it works.

*this morning Eloise's class sang me an extendo version of the birthday song and this is how she mis-sang a line from it. Too adorable!

Apple Picking!

2011-10-08T14:26:00.000-07:00

Oh, you are so in luck! A post with pictures, finally!

Yesterday the girls and I went apple picking. It was a long drive through a lot of rain, but we were lucky enough to get a couple of hours of overcast but dry skies when we were at the farm.

I just realized, none of our pictures are actually of picking the apples. Know why? Because I did that part. Well, that and we didn't get that many, only about 22 pounds. I am not a baker or canner, so most of these apples will be eaten raw-- which is just fine by us, but also means that we won't go through them very quickly.

Apple picking was clearly more for the experience than the need for apples. I certainly wouldn't have had to drive two hours each way just for apples!

Eloise rode in the cart most of the time. She was tired, apparently.

Our apples were beeeee-utiful!

Most of the apples we picked were Liberty (a McIntosh cross, and McIntosh are my very favorite. We used to pick those up in Door County, WI when I was a wee girl).

The highlight of the apple picking trip began after we were done picking. There were some fun activities for kids to do scattered around the barn, like a good old fashioned tired swing.

The teeter-totter (or is it see-saw?) was a hit. Iris and Eloise both took turns riding with the farmer's five year old son. The girls had so much fun playing with him and as soon as we left were asking when we could go back for a playdate.

A pedal-powered tractor was a big hit with Eloise.

It can be tricky finding activities like this when you live in a big city. Most farms that we can visit are basically just a mobbed tourist attraction complete with with jacked up prices. Not this place. It was nicely set up for visitors, but it wasn't full of people on a cloudy Friday afternoon.

So, so sore

2011-10-05T08:09:00.000-07:00

Ever since last winter I have been more serious about weight loss and my overall level of fitness. In late June of last summer I enrolled in a "bootcamp" type fitness class, where an instructor leads a group of us through a pretty rigorous one hour workout. We did sprints, stair and hill climbs, squats, push-ups, sit-ups, lunges, and tons more. The workouts are really intense but the best part of them is that we do them outdoors in a park overlooking Elliott Bay with the sounds of seals barking in the distance.

Last night, to make up for a missed bootcamp, I attended another class led by my bootcamp instructor. This class was a running clinic, for people who are working on improving their running skills. Let me first be clear: I am not a runner. I haven't really run since I did the Danskin triathlon in 2001, and even then the most I ever ran in a stretch was maybe three or four miles. I was a little nervous about the class, but I figured I could at least do some of it.

The instructor had us run from the top to the bottom of a road with a pretty decent grade (I looked it up, it's a 6% grade, with an elevation change of 165 feet!) and then back to the top, and then back to the bottom . . . . and then race to beat the person in front of you to the top again! Overall it was about a 5K run. I have to admit, I thought I was going to die on the last run to the top. BUT, I still made it. I was crazy proud of myself!

I am going to start going to the running class and my regular bootcamp class every week for the next few weeks. Maybe I will make a runner out of myself after all?

But this morning, I have a sort of overall soreness. Not just my legs, but everywhere. It's okay, I have begun to sort of cherish the soreness because then I know I really worked hard. (side note: it's not a "I hurt myself or pushed myself way too hard" sore, but more of a "oh, yeah, those muscles worked hard!" sore.)

Ever since I got my adrenals back in to balance (naturally!) I have reeeeeally enjoyed watching my efforts to lose weight pay off. Since May I have lost about 16-17 pounds. I don't really have a goal in mind, but more an overall feel about my body that I am working for. I keep hoping something will happen with my post-babies tummy, but so far not much luck. I haven't counted calories in a pretty long time, though I am overall conscientious about calories in the food choices I make. I definitely eat treats a few times a week, but I must have a decent enough exercise schedule to make up for it as my weight is still slowly decreasing.

This post is getting long, but I wanted to close with one more idea rattling around in my head. I don't consider myself someone who has a problem with emotional eating, but I definitely do sometimes struggle with my head and my gut not agreeing with how much food I should eat. One thing I have learned in my weight loss endeavors is that I really need less food, and get full much faster, than I realized. Like most people, I enjoy eating. It's frustrating to me to eat a small plate of something and feel full so quickly. So I keep eating, because I like the act of eating. And then I get really full and I don't feel good. This is something I am trying to work harder on, but it's really very much a mind game. Like last night, after my awesome run, I came home super hungry and made myself a two egg omelet with veggies, two sausages, feta and a side of one piece of toast. I only needed about 1/2 of what I made, I was satisfied and full after I ate half. But did I stop eating? Heck no! I finished it. And then I felt terrible.

But, hopefully, if I can wrangle my mind around being able to run, then I can wrangle my mind around not eating so much, right? Right? Let's hope so.

What is up besides school stuff

2011-10-02T15:14:00.001-07:00

Eloise is playing on a soccer team for the first time with six other five year olds. Our friend is coaching the team and Eloise's best friend, the coach's daughter, is also on the team. Eloise is mostly having a lot of fun with it, though her spirits were low after getting through the first game and not scoring a goal.

Today, though? She scored her very first goal! She was absolutely beaming, we were all so proud of her. It has been surprisingly tough for her to get in there and kick the ball, so I suspect that now that she has scored a goal her morale will be greatly improved. A U6 soccer game is mostly a bunch of kids just swarming around the ball as much as possible. They don't have goalies or (technically) keep score, they're just out there to get a feel for the game and have fun.

Their team picture was also done today and we ordered a set of trading cards with Eloise's picture on them. They are going to be crazy cute!

Iris has spent a lot of time with one her closest friends lately. I really like this one friend, in particular, because when Iris is alone with her they get along so perfectly (add in Eloise and it's a whole 'nother story!). After all the struggle we've had this week with Iris's Waldorf class I was so glad that Iris had some fun, stress-free time with a good friend this weekend.

This week we also challenged gluten and eggs for Iris and guess what happened? Absolutely nothing. That's right, nada, zero, zip. I am interested in talking to the ND about this and what it means. If Iris had a blood test indicating that she was sensitive to gluten and eggs but we don't see an obvious reaction to them, is it okay to let her have them? I am hoping so. It sure makes life easier for all of us!

I wonder how common that is, though, to show a reaction on a blood test and then none at all when you challenge those foods.

Where I've been

2011-10-01T15:15:00.001-07:00

If you've been wondering where I've been blogging, then please come check out my new blog The Schooling Bridge.

It wasn't/isn't my plan to not blog here as much, but as it would happen, schooling issues are taking up about 80% of my brain these days. I will probably end up having quite a bit to say over there!

Please come check out my new blog

2011-09-25T18:36:00.000-07:00

Yes, I need another blog like I need a hole in the head, but alas, here I am.

I decided I needed to write an blog independent of this one that is focused on this year of schooling Iris and Eloise. In my admittedly limited research there is a lack of information online about what it is like to school children in the same family in completely different ways.

I also think there is a severe bias in the homeschool community that believes that kids who aren't homeschooled are somehow missing out on something. Interestingly, there also is a fairly prevalent belief in the public schooling community that homeschooled kids are also missing out. What *I* believe is that there is no one way to educate children that is the right solution for all of them, even children who live in the same family.

I just posted my very first post on my new blog this evening, but I am hoping to go back and start catching up on some background info about how we got to where we are and also talk a little bit more about how our year is starting out and where it looks like it is going. I hope to include personal stories as well as report on information that I come across on the internet about public schooling, homeschooling and maybe a few things in between.

Follow along, won't you?

The Schooling Bridge.

Shifting frustrations

2011-09-21T14:05:00.000-07:00

Thank you so much everyone for the creative suggestions on my last post! I really appreciate it greatly. It's so hard for me to think outside of the box when I am buried deep within said box at the time. Today I did all of our math using coins and Iris was really interested in it, at least for a bit longer than she usually is. I also gave her lots of paper for problem solving on and doodling on. I realized that no matter how exciting I make it, there is still a time limit on an attention span (including mine!).

Yesterday Iris's Waldorf teacher (two days per week) was telling me how fidgety Iris is in class, as well. I have never received this feedback from her Kindy/1st grade teacher so I am curious if Iris wasn't so fidgety or if Iris was given more freedom to roam during lessons (highly possible) or if she just didn't act that way before. I definitely want to do a mix of meeting her where she is at as well as helping her to try and sit and focus on some things.

Although I didn't do home school with Iris at home yesterday (she was at her Waldorf school) it was a very exhausting day centered around Iris. Matt and I met with what is now the fifth mental health professional (and that is not counting MD or NDs, that would bring the total to several more) we've reached out to for help with Iris. We liked the person we saw today, and she came highly recommended, but she told us flat out she wasn't the right therapist for us/Iris. She referred us on, yet again. She respected our decision to not jump to medications for Iris quite yet, but did say it will probably be a long, intense road of working on things to start seeing some changes. Yay. She also gave us lots of kudos for what we have done already and how hard we have worked, which feels nice to hear, but also frustrating ("you've worked so hard! but nothing has changed!")

Among many other helpful tidbits, she also pointed out some interesting things about what could perhaps be seen as "flaws" in our logic to not medicate Iris based on fear of what the long-lasting effects could be on Iris's brain development. She said what Iris is going through on a daily basis is deeply affecting her, and affecting her development as a human being (paraphrasing here), and not in a good way. So we can leave her be, and let her brain and body continue to freak out (while we seek other treatment) or we try a medication that can put a stop to all of that. I won't lie, hearing it laid out that way made Matt and I seriously reconsider our choice.

After that meeting I met with Iris's Waldorf teacher, a woman who I am growing to really respect and enjoy having as a large part in our family's life. But, as you can imagine, the conversation quickly turned to Iris and her issues, as it always does. And not necessarily because of the other party steering the conversation there. I am certainly guilty of jumping to the "bad stuff" and hashing it all out. My conversations always sort of gloss over the amazing things, which I hate, and is totally my own issue.

I have to say, though, after days like yesterday especially, I am tired of talking about Iris's issues with other people. I am tired of explaining it, tired of just dealing with it at all. Today we are having a quiet day at home, just the two of us. I know I can't keep her holed up at home forever, but some days I really am glad I can, to take the pressure off.

I am starting to do our paperwork to enroll in the online public school and am wondering if using them might be more trouble than it's worth. I'm already annoyed with the process of the whole thing and I am only on the second stage of enrolling. I guess right now I just have little tolerance for needing help from anyone and therefor needing to jump through their hoops.

Fixing frustration

2011-09-19T13:12:00.000-07:00

I knew that I was going to have some battles to fight when it came to homeschooling Iris, but so far they haven't presented themselves in the way I thought they would. I assumed we would have the usual screaming "I hate you! You're stupid!" and outright refusal to work. So far, the only time I had that was on the very first day when I asked Iris to get a pencil. That day I was sure I had completely set us both up for failure, but we carried on just fine.

What I have begun to notice with Iris, however, is not a refusal to work, but if she can't answer a question immediately, usually with math so far, she fidgets, scribbles, slides off her chair, writes the numbers all big and crazy, breaks the lead on her pencil, gets up to sharpen it, you get the idea. Any little thing to procrastinate the task at hand and also, apparently, get her anxious energy out.

Pretty much every day I have had to send Iris to her room (and not in a "go to your room!" sort of a way, more of a "why don't you go take a break and we'll resume math in 10 minutes" sort of way). It works in that she comes back about 50% calmer and we can at least finish things.

The other thing that has been coming up is how tired she is. It's true, Iris gets much less sleep than kids her age are "supposed to" have. We have battled it for years and now she has a later bedtime, since an earlier bedtime just left her cranky and awake in bed. Now she's awake and happy in the living room. It wasn't until homeschooling that she ever complained of being tired. Now, I have a lovely schedule and it may appear I am attempting a lot, but it's much less than she ever did at her private school. And there she never complained to me of being tired. So I can't tell if the tiredness is a way to try and eek out of the work, or if she really is tired. I will probably try to push up her bedtime a bit and see if it helps her fall asleep earlier.

I don't really know how to combat the ADD-like tendencies she is showing over this work, though. I wish I was a super creative homeschooling mama who could find a bunch of different exciting ways to teach math, but I just am not. We work through the workbook together and so far that is about it. The concepts aren't even that difficult, she just doesn't want to do it. I could probably be asking her to add two plus two (and honestly, today we basically are, as we're adding two digit numbers to two digit numbers by adding the tens and ones up separately).

I'll keep brainstorming. And waiting for CVA to finally call me to finish our enrollment. I am so anxious! I can't help but feel a very outlines curriculum would at least help ME immensely right now.

First full week of school

2011-09-16T16:37:00.000-07:00

We have had an overall fantastic first full week of school, both on the public-schooled Kindergartner's end AND the home-schooled second grader's end. Oh, and on my end, too!

I'll start with Eloise.

Have I gushed enough on here about how much I love Eloise's teacher? Probably not. She is fantastic. I put my name in the hat to be "clan leader" which is the school's term for room parent. We'll see if I get picked! I think it would be really fun and get me as involved in the class as I would like to be.

Eloise has been working hard on her behavior in class. Some of the same stuff that came up in preschool, of course. Using her body to send a message instead of her words. But she is getting there.

One night Eloise told me about a girl she was having a hard time with. Apparently the girl called E names and also "told the teacher" on E. Well, of course, I get out of E that she had said something rude about the other girls hair (or rather, it was said, and taken, rudely, though it didn't sound like it was intended to be rude, but whatever) which, of course, brought on some retaliation. The next day E and this girl were good buddies. Ah, to have the ability to hold no hard feelings whatsoever!

Iris has had a decent start to homeschooling. Monday was a mostly at-home day. We followed my schedule pretty well, except that it took Iris about 3 times longer to do the math assignment than I had scheduled for. No biggie, we just scooted a few other things around. We decided to study gems and crystals and are going to try our hand at making a lapbook for each topic. On Wednesday I didn't sit with Iris at the table quite as much and it definitely caused Iris to completely lose her attention for the work she was supposed to be doing. Good lesson for me, I need to be very hands on. I also realized that I really don't need schedule reading/writing time because those are two things Iris does a great deal of on her own. It was almost like pulling teeth getting her to write and read on a schedule, which is not something I need to fight with her over.

Tuesday and Thursday Iris went to a homeschool program for a few hours. She reported that her lesson was "drawing curved and straight lines". I will have to ask the teacher about this. I know it's a whole different approach to learning, but, ah, curved and straight lines? Why? Iris did very much enjoy the classes, however, so I am quite happy about that.

Today I brought Iris to the community center so she could take an art class and a fashion design class. She loved both. And I loved getting to swim laps while she was in class!

The other thing I did this week is discover the Columbia Virtual Academy and enroll Iris. I haven't gotten past that point, though, as someone has to call me now to set everything up. CVA is an online public school in WA state and is therefor tuition-free. There was a lot about CVA that attracted me, the largest being that I don't have to really think as much about our curriculum this year. I think it might also help me keep Iris on track to slip back in to a traditional school for third grade without too many gaps in knowledge. I have read good things about CVA and it sounds perfect for what I am trying to do with Iris, but I am not going to get too excited about it until I hear from an enrollment advisor and see what it will actually end up being. Apparently you can even enroll part-time and do other homeschooling things at the same time, so that is perfect.

I was surprised to not run in to too many issues with Iris this week. She did throw a huge fit over her math work on Monday, it was a pretty tough lesson (the rest so far have been just fine). I had her take a break in her room and come back to the table when she was ready. That seemed to work out well. I also am trying to get her to slooooow down, be more thoughtful in her answers instead of just writing the first thing that comes to mind. She is also writing a lot of her numbers backwards, which is a little frustrating. I am trying to get her to correct the mistakes but I don't want to kill the whole lesson by harping over the way the numbers are written. We will keep working on it.

No pictures to share, our main laptop has a failed hard drive (and yes, it's pretty much all backed up! woo hoo!) so I have nothing to show on our crappy little netbook. Remember netbooks? Before ipads came out and made them completely obsolete? Our wireless router is also kaput, which means (gasp!) we have to be wired in to use the 'net. The upside is that it has kept me off the internet!

A kindergartener and a second grader!

2011-09-08T22:07:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in my last post, there is a lot going on this week. Amazingly, everything is going swimmingly!

Eloise started Kindergarten on Wednesday. On Tuesday she stated that "tomorrow will be the best day of my life!" and you know, while maybe not the very very best ever, it probably ranked pretty high up there.

Eloise and I before her first day of school. Taken by Iris.

Matt, Iris and I walked Eloise to school. I took a cool photo of the girls walking up the ginormous flight(s) of stairs that separate our house from the new school, but my phone seems to have deleted every picture I took that morning! We have never counted the stairs, but it is a serious workout to hike them.

At school Eloise got settled and the families got to sit around while the teacher led the kids in a short circle time and then the families took off. At pick up Eloise said that recess was her favorite part of the day. Of course! While we walked home we got to gorge ourselves on the blackberries growing along the stairs.

After school I took the girls to an outdoor pool, we were so glad one was still open with the 80+ degree weather we have been having. Then we high-tailed it home (or rather, crawled along in Seattle's rush hour) to get Eloise to her soccer practice. So, yeah, pretty darn good first day!

Iris and Eloise before Eloise's first day of school. Taken by me.

Have I mentioned how in love I am with Eloise's teacher, school, parents, kids, principal, etc etc? Cause I am. Eloise's teacher is perfect. Perfect for her and perfect for me, too. She is super communicative, which I love in a teacher. She is even fine with Iris coming with me to volunteer in the classroom! I am so happy about that, because I am also so happy about the fact that I even get to volunteer in the first place.

Iris and I before Eloise's first day of school. Taken by Eloise.

Side note, have you read this blog post by Teacher Tom? He mentions in this post that the number one predictor of a child's success in school is parental involvement. He then goes on to speculate on how to get more parents volunteering at schools, particularly schools with a higher population of lower income families. Want to know what he thinks should be done? Go read the post! Then follow his blog, because it is amazing.

Today was Iris's first day of her home school Waldorf class. The teacher arranged for the group to do a rose ceremony, which I gather is a Waldorf tradition. We sang a song, the teacher told a story about a princess and a prince (with a cliffhanger!) and the kids walked under a rainbow scarf to receive a real rose, which symbolized . . . well, I think it symbolized the beginning of this journey. I am so darn new to Waldorf, I pretty much have no clue why most things are done the way they are, but I am learning! Iris seemed to be comfortable at the ceremony, which was good.

I did take a picture of Iris, and her teacher and classmates, after the rose ceremony, but I don't have permission from any of them to post their picture here, so I won't. I wish I would have gotten one of just Iris!

After the class was over, however, Iris came out of the classroom and was immediately acting angry with me. As is usual, I couldn't figure out if anything happened at school, or what else she was angry about. She did say the day was "good" and that the kids were "nice" which, for Iris, is about all you will get.

I am hoping nothing but positive things about her class. I like her teacher quite a bit and the other kids and families seem so wonderful. It is just so tricky with Iris, I just pray the teacher can handle her trouble spots and nurture her wonderful ones. Time will tell on this front, but I do have good feelings. Tenuous, but good.

Tomorrow we start our work together at home and Iris says she is very excited to work on her math and language arts books. She has even been looking through them on her own and telling me things she already knows. It will be a short Friday for us, easing our way in to working together. Next week will be Iris's, and Eloise's, first full "real" week of schooling.

I will make it through this week, right?

2011-09-05T20:38:00.001-07:00

Just humor me and say, "yes, of course" or at least, "what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger!"

Tomorrow Iris starts her gluten-free/egg-free diet. We are doing it for at least 3-4 weeks, but, well, her blood tests indicate she is sensitive to these things, so I don't really foresee an end to this change. Today I made a loaf of GF/EF bread, according to a recipe on Gluten-Free Goddess (I would link, but I am on a crappy laptop that takes three hours to load a new web page). It didn't rise at all, which I will attribute to my yeast (though the yeast appeared to be working just fine). If you have ever done GF baking, you will know how expensive and time-consuming it is. Throwing anything away is terribly sad. I also made pumpkin cupcakes, a recipe I have made before but this time I used egg replacer, which are a little flat. I made Iris a bunch of other snacks and researched a bunch of recipes to help kick off the new diet. But it is crazy overwhelming. I am praying to god we see obvious improvements by eliminating these ingredients.

Wednesday Eloise starts kindergarten. Oh, my. I can't even wrap my head around it. There is nothing more to say on that front on account of my brain unable to process it.

Thursday I start home school with Iris. Luckily her first day is a "class day" as she is doing two days a week with a small Waldorf home school group. Friday we start at home, though. I drew up an elaborate schedule of how our weeks will look, It is probably a laughable schedule to, well, just about anyone, but I decided I needed something to start with. We will give it a go. School will be Mon-Fri from 9:30 to 2:00. Before 9:30 is "chore time" and we pick up Eloise from school at 2:30, so we won't really do any home school after Eloise is home.

Today I realized that I am going to have to get a paying job ASAP. I don't have a resume yet (it will be pretty pathetic with that whole 5 1/2 year SAHM gap and all) nor do I know when I will even have time to work, but I will figure it out. So, between the schools and the new diet and everything else on my usual plate, I will figure it out.

It kind of makes me want to pull the covers over my head and call it a day. Or a week. Or a year.

Here we go again!

2011-09-02T20:46:00.001-07:00

Just when I had rid our home of every special gluten-free ingredient and cookbook, not to mention shedding my gluten-free mindset, we once again have a gluten sensitive family member.

About one week ago I took Iris in to see my naturopath about Iris's behavior issues and anxiety. I didn't know exactly what she would do, but one of her first thoughts was to test Iris for food allergies. It was a "simple" finger prick and then the doctor filled in a few circles on a special form with the blood which was then sent to the lab. I say "simple" because pretty much anything ouchy with an anxious child isn't ever simple.

The results showed that Iris was reacting to eggs and gluten. Oh, dear. Even when I was gluten-free I still had lots of eggs, especially in baked goods.

To be honest I sooooooooo (add a few thousand more "o"s) don't want to go through this hassle again! But you know what? I am also pretty excited/interested to see what it will do to Iris to eliminate these ingredients from her diet. I honestly think Iris is excited, too. She is old enough now to understand why we are trying this and is, frankly, fed up feeling the way she has been. She wants to find an answer, too.

We are going to start after the weekend, I think. That should give me time to get some snacks together and other ingredients like pasta and bread. It will also give me time to start researching GF/EF recipes.

Wish us luck! And please share any tips/food suggestions/recipes you might have if you have eliminated eggs and gluten from your diet, too!

No longer a preschooler

2011-08-30T21:40:00.000-07:00

Eloise had her very last day of preschool last week. It is so bittersweet. I would have written "totally horrible and impossible to comprehend" instead of bittersweet, but, though Eloise LOVED preschool, she is super ready to be a kindergartner. Much more ready than I am for her to be a kindergartner.

The one thing that made it slightly easier was that Iris already had her last day in May, so we got to focus more on Eloise this past week.

Eloise and her teacher.

Her teacher was such an amazing presence in Eloise's life. She guided her from a brand-new three year old with basically zero self-control in to being a confident five year old. Eloise developed such a special bond with her teacher. She was the kind of teacher who just adored the kids and was super communicative with the parents-- which I really appreciated. I am a "more info the better" kinda mom and I loved getting feedback on how Eloise's days went. Every day before we left, Eloise would take off running and leap in to her teacher's arms to get her last hug of the day.

It's kind of funny, because I always thought that Iris's preschool teacher was the very best preschool teacher in the whole wide world. You know what I figured out, though? That Iris's was the very best for HER, but Eloise's was the very best for Eloise. The teachers had pretty different personalities, much like my daughters do, but they were perfectly matched to my children.

I love when that happens.

We are embarking on a school year that is also tailored to two completely different types of children. I am so completely grateful, and will continue to be so, that we have the options that we have in schooling our daughters.

So you know what else my no-longer-a-preschooler has done since her last day?

Well, she went indoor rock climbing with her aunt and uncle (on a side note, Iris and I got to watch their four month old while they were gone!):

Giving it a try.

Learning how to come back down with her uncle.

Eloise's Auntie belaying. See Eloise way up there at the top?

And then tonight she had very first soccer practice. She had NO idea how to play soccer. At first she thought she had to kick the ball through a basketball hoop (I understood her nervousness a bit more after hearing her thoughts on the game). Then she thought they had to kick the ball over a goal post. Thankfully she has a fantastic coach, who is also a friend of ours, and has already learned a bunch about soccer! Including, but not limited to, soccer goals are on the ground.

I am so proud of Eloise. This child absolutely grabs life by the horns.

Cancer will rue the day . . .

2011-08-28T22:29:00.001-07:00

I hate when I wait too long to update here. Then a million things happen and sometimes every single one of them feels to me like it deserves its own blog post.

I want to touch on all of the wonderful events of our past week or so, but tonight my heart is too heavy. Yesterday Matt told me that a friend of ours passed away. Sara had colon cancer and was so young, WAY too young. I didn't know her very well at all, we were "Facebook friends"-- I remember her comments on some of the things I have posted about Eloise and how much she loved her.

So, I have spent these past few hours just thinking "what the hell?!?!". When I found out about her cancer, from my husband, it was one of those things that just seemed a little abstract. She started a blog (you can check it out here) and it was hilarious in the way that if you weren't laughing, you'd be bawling as you read it. Her most recent post, just one month ago exactly from today, talked about the fact that her doctor did not think she would go in to remission. Even reading it, it sort of sounded like she may still have years left to live. Not weeks, days, or hours.

Admittedly, Sara was not my close friend. My heart isn't breaking in the same awful way that her friends and family's hearts are. Instead, my thoughts return again and again to why this happens. Why someone with so much heart gets dealt such a shitty deal. And how can a person, any person, come to terms with the end of their life when they have lived no where near enough of it. She had her original diagnosis about a year ago. And now, now . . . after everything she has endured to help fight the cancer, after hearing her time would definitely be up, one month later and it was.

I struggle to wrap my brain around it. My true desire, for Sara, is that somewhere inside, at the end of her life, she was okay. That she was able to move on without fear.

Honestly, I can't even let myself think she could have felt any other way. I can't even go there.

Last night I went to the movies with a friend, we had planned to see The Help. It was an amazing movie. I laughed and cried, multiple times, throughout the film. It was incredibly therapeutic. On the way home from the movies there was a strong police presence on the main bridge that connects our part of the city to the rest of Seattle. Apparently someone had been on the bridge threatening to jump for hours . . . and then they did some time in the early morning.

As you can tell, dying has been on the forefront of my mind and heart most of the weekend. I have no idea what to make of all of it, but maybe something will come to me.

Or maybe not. I guess that's how it goes.

Family fitness

2011-08-20T10:01:00.001-07:00

Growing up, I pretty much played no sports. Yes, there was the incredibly embarrassing and horrific season I tried to play JV basketball in the seventh grade (true story: at the only game my parents came to watch, the coach didn't even play me). But I have worked hard to erase those memories. When I was younger I was active, though not athletic. Once high school rolled around I was only active in gym class (another true story: I took bowling at least twice for my high school gym class and didn't pass the athletic test so I was in the gym classes with the weaklings). After high school, when I was no longer forced to exercise, I never did. I never even thought at about.

It wasn't until the spring of 2001 that my sister mentioned to me that we should to the Danskin triathlon that summer that I decided to become active again. I did that triathlon, and promptly stopped exercising.

Now my husband, he grew up an athlete. He played baseball and basketball through his entire school career and in to college. After college he kept up with basketball as much as he could, but he was always more inclined towards being an athlete.

In the past few months I have decided to get more proactive about my health and started a regular exercise routine. My workouts don't always look the same and I take my exercise where I can get it (even if that means my strength training for the day is carrying my 50lb five year old a few blocks home).

Recently I started a weekly fitness class taught by a trainer and there are a handful of ladies in my class whom I adore and admire. The class pushes me to limits I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole if I were exercising on my own. Two women in my class are a mother and her 16 year old daughter. They have talked about the daughter's involvement in sports at school, like tennis and cross country running and I always find myself feeling a little jealous of this supportive family.

It occurred to me as I was chatting with the mother/daughter pair that raising children who grow to love being active usually requires parents who set the example, provide opportunities for their children and then support and encourage them through their endeavors. Now, my parents were happy for me when I tried to play sports, but in my recollection, I never really saw them being active nor do I remember them asking me, or even just pushing me, to participate in any activities.

I am fortunate that my husband knows how to "be an athlete" because I absolutely do not. I don't understand team sports, I don't know the rules to anything, I am totally oblivious. But what I DO know is that I want my girls to grow up in an atmosphere where fitness, and perhaps to that end, athletics, are important. Wading in to the waters of team sports is a little bit scary for me.

In Seattle we have an endless amount of opportunities to get the girls involved in classes and on teams. We have everything from circus school (yes, really) to gymnastics of every shape and form, to community centers that offer things like swimming lessons, dance classes (even break dancing!), basketball and tumbling, to martial arts, yoga, and soccer clubs. You name it, your kids can likely do it here.

I am excited to help the girls explore what they are interested in. This summer Iris went to a yoga camp each day for a week that she loved and she will continue to take classes this fall. We are signing Eloise up for a a fall soccer team (I will be a soccer mom!) and then both of them for swimming lessons. After those things are done we will see what else they want to do next and possibly move on to a different thing. I want to be careful not to over-schedule them, especially with Eloise being in school full time this year, but I think that will be a good amount. Almost all of it will be on the weekends during the fall.

Iris recently learned how to ride a bike (on her first try!) and so I am also looking forward to going with her on longer run/walks (for me) and bike rides (for her). The more the girls grow and the more athletic they become, the easier it gets to do things as a family, as well.

It's going to be a fun year!

Eloise turns five sniff

2011-08-16T21:17:00.000-07:00

When my baby wakes up in the morning she will be five. Five. It doesn't hardly seem possible, but there you have it.

Eloise at a couple of weeks old.

Read my post for her fourth birthday here.

Read my post for her third birthday here.

Read my post for her second birthday here.

Read my post for her first birthday here.

Eloise on her first birthday.

Tonight as I walked with Eloise up to her Kindergarten play date I thought, for maybe the eight millionth time, that she is the coolest kid I know.

In less than a month she will be a Kindergartner. I keep thinking that if she had been born five days late instead of ten days early she wouldn't even get to go to Kindy this year. *sniff* But you know what? She is absolutely ready. *I* am not ready, but she is. I told her that I would send her just for half of the day, she was having no part of that plan. I told her I would home school her, and she was having no part of that plan, either.

Eloise at two.

Eloise is independent, joyful, determined, silly, and she really loves the people she loves. She will run full steam ahead right at you to give you a flying hug right in to your arms, whether you are ready for it or not. On the flip side, if she's angry with you, watch out, because she's going to let you have it. There's no beating around the bush with Eloise.

Eloise at three.

She still asks to be carried. And I still oblige her every chance I can. Pretty soon she will either no longer want to be carried or be way too heavy. It doesn't matter which happens first, I won't be ready. Eloise teeters precariously in that spot between wanting to be as independent as possible and wanting to be a baby. She would go off to high school tomorrow if she could, but she would want me to carry her through the front doors.

I have never met a more animated child in my life. She has impeccable comedic timing and a range of goofy expressions that would make most comedians jealous.

Eloise at four.

Eloise has the uncanny ability to not listen to anything we tell her and just ramble along on her own agenda. It's infuriating, to be sure, but you have to admire her ability to remain lost in her own world despite being hit with a barrage of orders, begs, pleads, threats and bribes.

Eloise just before she turned five.

I absolutely adore my dear Eloise.

Update on my reading goal

2011-08-12T17:06:00.000-07:00

Back in January I made it my goal to read 50 books this year. I am already at 39! I think I will probably surpass this goal, unless I hit some crazy reading lull.

That's all. A tiny little post just for an update!

A day at the zoo

2011-08-11T18:58:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday the girls and I took a trip down to the Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium. I really love this particular zoo. It is pretty small but it has all sorts of animals that our gigantic zoo in Seattle doesn't have. Plus the aquarium right inside the zoo is a nice bonus, as our aquarium in Seattle is seriously over-priced for what it is (in my humble opinion).

Watching the seals.

The walruses were probably my favorite. They kept swimming in a circle (much like other animals pace their enclosures, I presume) and would rub up against this glass every time they made a pass. The were ENORMOUS. It was amazing to see them up close!

The last time we were at this zoo was days before Iris turned three, so Eloise was almost ten months old. I carried her in the "Pootie Pack" (aka the Sherpani) the whole time. Here we are in the same area those walrus pictures were taken. The last time we were there the Beluga whale was in the spot where the seals are now. The zoo was totally dead (we must have been there before schools let out) and were the only ones watching the Beluga "show". The trainer kept having the whale get us wet as we watched, which we thought was great fun.

My goofy children and a musk ox. Musk oxes are much smaller than I thought they would be.

Eloise as a snail.

Playing on the splash pad.

This is Eloise at ten months sitting next to the splash pad. All together now: "awwwwww!"

Iris at two (days away from three) playing on the splash pad. On this visit she looked gigantic compared to the other kids. In my mind she is still the size she is in this picture.

Checking out the otters. They had just been fed and were being quite amusing right up by the glass until they realized we didn't have any more food to give them, then they ran away. The nerve!

Eloise and an elephant.

Iris standing at almost the same spot the last time we were there.

And the big bonus of the day, a ride on a camel! The camel took TWO passes around a small enclosure, all for the price of $5 per kid! At least this picture will be guaranteed to make it in to the end of the year photo book.

What's up in the garden

2011-08-10T19:48:00.000-07:00

Tonight as I was watering the garden and checking on everything (my new nightly hobby) I realized it would be fun to post about how the plants are doing.

This year has been going much better than last year, already we've eaten a ton out of the garden. Snap peas, a bounty of salad greens, cucumbers, yellow squash, strawberries, basil . . . it is so fun to create meals out of the garden. I know lots of people do this every day, but the thrill never gets old for me!

The other thing I am working on is figuring out what will grow in the garden through the fall/winter. When my friends built the beds they put in some hoops for turning the beds in to mini green houses and last year we didn't take advantage of them. According to Sunset we can do a few different root crops and relatively hardy greens. So far I put in three broccoli plants and I need to get other starts/seeds soon.

These are my hydrangeas. Next to peonies, which have a very short life span, hydrangeas are my very favorite flower. I don't know if you can tell from this photo, but the bloomss near the top of the picture are more purple and the ones closer to the bottom are more blue. I wonder how one plant creates different shades of flowers? The other exciting thing is that the plant behind this one is blooming this year, which it hasn't ever done before.

This is "bed one". It is currently home to tomatoes, basil, dill, thyme and carrots and it used to hold the snap pea plants. The thing I am most excited about in this bed is we have one volunteer tomato plant that we left in the bed and it has fruit on it! Amazing how that works, huh? (yes, I am being a bit facetious)

This is bed two. We have strawberries, yellow squash, cucumbers, salad greens, sunflowers, blueberries and I think there are onions in the far back in a pot. The strawberries were an experiment, I got two different kinds, one that was supposed to produce fruit quite a bit earlier than the other. This is their first year in the bed and they produced fruit at the same time, so maybe next year it will be staggered? Also, there are still tons of berries ripening on it, but they don't taste that good anymore. Earlier in the summer they were amazing. I wonder why?

These are the sunflowers. It is probably hard to tell but the tallest one is maybe nine or 10 feet tall. The second tallest one is still over my head and I am six feet exactly. I love them, and the neighbors love them, too! I can see all of the beds from the kitchen window and it is quite lovely to stare at them while I do dishes.

These are the brussels sprouts in bed three, planted at the request of Iris. I am curious how these turn out!

This is bed three from a different view. Cut off on the right corner are the brussels sprouts. Here we have onions, broccoli starts, pumpkin and some flowers, but I don't know what kind.

We have quite a bit of empty space in the beds and I'm not sure how to be more efficient with the planting. I suppose that will get easier over time and trial and error though.

I am glad to announce that our plum trees have very, very few plums on it. Yes, I love plums as much as the next person, and even let people pick gobs and gobs off the trees last year, but they are a giant pain in the butt and are very messy. Both trees are right against our deck, as well. Don't tell anyone, but I desperately want them cut down. Our apple tree also has very few apples on it. I could take or leave the apples. They are nowhere near as messy as the plums, but I don't do much with them. I am not in to canning or anything.

The one thing that IS going strong in the yard are the grape vines! See that cluster above? There are dozens more just like it. YUM. Those grapes are tiny and sweet when they ripen and I could stand there all day gorging myself.

Recently I went on a rampage over how much work our house and yard were and how much I wanted a house with basically no yard. However, the more quiet time I spend in the garden, the more I realize that sometimes, the work is worth it. This time of year at least, the work is worth it.

The yard has a looooong ways to go before it's really awesome and comfortable, but considering we have lived here a bit over two years, I think we've come so far. Now we just need to replace the shed, take down one or both plum trees, trim the apple tree, plant more stuff around the edges, do something with the narrow strip on the south side of our house, get the front yard in order . . . I tend to look at the negative, but really there is a mountain of positive things about the yard, if I would just let myself notice them.

More vacation fun

2011-08-08T18:38:00.000-07:00

Aaaaaaand . . . . back to vacation pictures!

We flew in to Michigan on July 3rd, just in time to celebrate the 4th with my parents and my sister's family. My mom had a fun idea to make some special cookies that she read about in Martha Stewart. We all got right to work!

My mom and my sister and my girls.

Iris and her cousin.

Here is what our finished trays looked like!

While we waited for fireworks the girls set to work drawing with chalk in my parent's driveway.

Then we were off to see the fireworks, which I don't have pictures of. I love the fireworks in the town where my mom lives, it's a small tourist town so they do BIG fireworks!

My mom and dad built a koi pond in their back yard and the kids (and I!) loved feeding the fish. The koi would eat the little food pieces right out of your fingers, it was so much fun.

The orange and black one in this picture was the biggest fish in the pond and he would come and suck on your finger if you stuck it in the water. There was also a resident frog who hung out on the lily pads.

Iris and Eloise with their cousin and one of my mom's dogs.

Update on my weight loss journey

2011-08-06T14:38:00.000-07:00

I have something exciting to share: this morning when I stepped on the scale (which I do about every other week or so, nothing terribly obsessive or scheduled) it read 160.2. Waaaaay back in January/February-ish I started a weight loss plan because I wanted to be "bikini ready" for our trip to Maui, which we went on at the end of May. I had written a bit on my blog about how deeply frustrated I was that I had been working out five days a week and obsessively counting calories on My Fitness Pal but my weight, nor my body size, was budging.

In April I met with a naturopath and started some of my own research, which I wrote about a bit in these posts HERE and HERE. My ND did some tests and discovered that I did have wacky adrenal gland function and since May I have been on a supplement regimen (no medications, however) and have been taking everything diligently. The goal was basically to gently encourage my body back towards an equilibrium. We had hoped that it would address all sorts of issues for me, but for the sake of this post, I will focus on the weight loss. A very basic explanation is that adrenal imbalance can lead to weight gain and difficulty losing weight (among many other things).

I started taking Vitamin D, Iron, a B-complex, fish oils, acidophillus and a product called Seriphos every day (that link is just the first one I came across, I don't use that site). The Seriphos is specifically for adrenal support and everything else is for that and a few other things I was having issues with.

So fast forward to the end of my Maui vacation. I started my weight loss journey at 176, when weighed at the doctor's office. Like I said, between late January and May I was vigorous in trying to lose weight. By the time Maui came around I was about 172. Within the next five weeks I was down to about 163. Then I was in WI/MI for three weeks and have been home for almost two weeks. In MI I did a bit of working out, no where near what I try to do at home, and mostly ate like a starving person (even when I was already full). Literally there were days I ate about a dozen of my aunt's cookies. When I got home I was still 163. Folks, I couldn't believe it. I told myself I hoped I had only gained five pounds on the trip.

I have weighed myself once since I got back and then again today. And today I am at 160 (.2). In the past two weeks I have done my serious, ass-kicking fitness class one night and then a few walks and I "ran" the four blocks of stairs near my house once, doing the whole set five times. So, about three days a week of workouts, but relatively decent workouts each time. I have sort of watched what I have eaten, but I haven't counted calories and every single day have had some sort of treat pretty much devoid of nutrition.

This week I put on my "skinny shorts" which were the smallest pair of shorts I have ever owned as an adult. I feel like I'm about 15 years too old to wear them, but gosh darn it, they fit! And my legs are tanned! So I'm wearing them!

Things that I own that are a size 10 are getting too loose. I don't know if/when I have ever worn an eight. I am looking forward to seeing how that feels!

Lately I have started to think about where I want to stop, when I will feel as if I reached my goal. My goal is not a size two, in fact, a size eight or 10 is just fine with me. What I really want, honestly, is to have a flatter stomach. Okay, smaller boobs would be great, but exercise and weight loss only goes so far in that department. So whenever my stomach is not so lumpy bumpy, then I'll switch over to maintenance mode.

I should probably add I don't really know what maintenance mode will look like, yet. I feel like I'm at a really solid place of eating well, but not depriving myself of treats, and am exercising at an amount that feels good and not excessive. So I'll figure that out when the time comes.

For now I just enjoy that my body is responding to my efforts and I'm at my smallest size in well over eight years!

****For anyone who is wondering about the test I did for my adrenal glands, I did this test through Diagnos-Techs (the first link is a little simpler and more clear, the second link has more info). I was tested for cortisol rhythm, progesterone levels, DHEA and insulin. The test also included one for gluten sensitivity, which came back negative for me. I had to pay for the test myself, which was $120. WELL worth the money, because it gave me the answers I needed. Feel free to ask me if you have any questions about that test, I will see if I can answer them!

We (heart) Madison

2011-08-05T10:38:00.000-07:00

Okay, taking a detour back in to a vacation post. Sorry, I'm a little ADD around these parts lately!

One of the really fun parts of our trip was a visit to see friends in Madison, WI. The girls and I woke up on a Wednesday morning and after nine total hours of travel from my parents' house in Michigan (about six hours driving and three hours stopped for food and a visit with a friend in Evanston, IL) we landed in Madison. It was a really, really hot day. At one point the temperature gauge in the car said it was 100 degrees outside. Never been so glad for the A/C! I already wrote a bit about what I did Wednesday night over here but that was only the tip of the ice berg.

My wonderful friend Stephanie, who writes about her life over here joined me for Maggie's book signing at Barnes and Noble. Since Maggie's talk was relatively short, Stephanie got lots of time to chat and catch up before I had to head back to the hotel. Stephanie gave me the number of a babysitter she uses and I was *so* thrilled that the sitter was able to come hang with the girls while I got a bit of a break.

The next day the girls and I met Stephanie and her three kids and my friend Beth, whom I have known since my junoir year of high school, and her two kids at the Madison Children's Museum. The museum has now become my absolute favorite that we have ever visited and it puts Seattle's crappy children's museum to shame. My favorite thing about it was how organic much of it was. Lots of reused parts turned in to new and fun things for the kids to explore and everything was pretty much in big open rooms. The rooftop, as you will see in my pictures, was completely amazing.

Without further ado, possibly the post picture-heavy post I have written in years!

All of the kids together, in one spot! L-R are Stephanie's kids James, Nicholas and Ruby. Then Beth's girls Nora and June and then Iris and Elois.

What's gonna work? Team work!

Eloise and Ruby gettin' their hairs did.

What the girls will look like in 80 years.

The amazing indoor climbing structure. There was so many different parts to this, and not one of them was sterile and boring and predictable.

Eloise riding the end of the tube slide.

I like this photo because it shows a really interesting part of the museum. Old electronc stuff, and old pinball machine, a barber's chair, some weird computer that recognized faces and made animal noises when your face moved. It was bizarre and very cool.

On the rooftop was a garden, a sandbox, some buildings with lots of science/animal related activities, a waterfall and a chicken coop!

The outer edge of the rooftop was surrounded in this glass so the kids could look right out over the city. Here are Nora and Eloise checking out the capitol building.

The other end from the capitol building was a part of the glass that the kids could write on with special markers. We were told this was overlooking Lake Mendota (the other lake in Madison is Lake Menona and I have never known which is which!)

On the bottom level of the museum was the "five and under" section. Since we had little ones with us, the two big kids got to come in, too. Here is Iris crossing a skeleton-like bridge suspended across the ceiling.

The girls sitting in some sort of pod.

My favorite room in the museum. This was a water room in the little kids section, but it had steam and these beautiful glass sculptures lining the wall. The walls were wondows, it sort of felt like a beautiful old room in a hidden garden.

Iris, Eloise and Nicholas playing together.

After the Children's Museum I took the girls to Ella's Deli, which I hadn't been to since I was about 16. It is such a cool place, little toys and trinkets decorating the ceilings, the walls, and the tables. There is a cool old carousel outside to ride, as well.

After we left Ella's Deli we stopped for a few minutes (literally) to visit another friend and see his new house and meet his wife before continuing on to Milwaukee for the rest of the weekend. It was a whirlwind trip!

Thoughts on treating anxiety

2011-08-03T16:53:00.001-07:00

In our quest to get Iris the help she needs, Matt and I recently took Iris to visit a psychiatrist. At the end of the appointment, based on everything we talked about and our history with Iris, he recommended that we put her on anti-anxiety medication. In fact, that was pretty much his only recommendation. I am not sure why I expected anything else, he was a doctor after all. I half hoped he would have a diagnosis for Iris that we had never considered and would usher us towards the perfect treatment that we had never considered.

As you can probably imagine, it was extremely frustrating, to be sitting in the office being told that our seven year old needed medication. I took a few days to think about it and I did a little research and talked to people I know who had experience with the issues we were facing. Fortunately (or unfortunately?) I actually got some pretty positive feedback about children who were put on these meds. All of them had good results. Some saw some pretty extreme changes for the better, even.

Yesterday I met with Iris's therapist and faced more frustration: we mutually decided to discontinue therapy because, well, it really isn't working. I had honestly hoped the therapist would have many more tricks up her sleeves. She didn't. Or maybe she could have pointed us in the direction of another kind of therapy. She had one suggestion, but it didn't feel right to me based on Iris's issues.

While I want a fix for Iris, and a "quick fix" would be fantastic!, I just can't find it in me to agree (at least at this time) that medication is the right answer for her. Luckily Matt is on the same page as I am, though I think we both feel that if the other felt strongly in persuing medications, we would probably try it. But neither of us do.

It feels like there have to be so many things that we have yet to explore. Since I don't have any great professional guidance, it falls in my lap to look for the help Iris needs.

Today as I started my research on treating anxiety I kept coming back to dietary changes. A diet free of processed foods, food coloring, artificial flavors, caffeine, sugar, etc etc is the very best thing for promoting a healthy body and mind in any child, but especially one who is struggling with disorders such as anxiety. I also came across information on Omega 3 fatty acids, which has been shown to be effective in helping to treat anxiety. Omega 3's are essential to brain development and Dr. Sears has written an easy-to-understand article about it that you can read HERE.

Seeing as how I have a degree in nutrition this should be easy peasy to implement some changes in Iris's diet in order to see how it affects her anxiety and behavior, right? Unfortunately Iris's eating is yet another source of contention in our house. I wouldn't say her diet is awful, but it isn't great. It isn't what I know is right for her. I want to do better, but it turns out my degree means diddly squat to my daughter. If I put food on her plate she doesn't want to eat, she won't. It's that easy. Any kind of struggle over food issues raises her anxiety, so I want as much as possible to avoid it. I take responsibility for letting crappy foods slip in her to diet, it was so easy to not take a firm stand in allowing her to eat junk. And little by little she has decided that she no longer likes pretty much any of the fruits and vegetables I serve her, including things she may have liked just last week.

So where I am going with this is, I want to change her diet and I want to add in some supplements, but I don't have a clue how to do it or where to start. Seems like it's time to start a whole knew line of research!

Missing Summer

2011-07-31T13:35:00.000-07:00

I am so glad that the girls and I got a chance to spend time in Michigan and Wisconsin this summer. Aside from all of the obvious reasons (like getting to see friends and family) I enjoyed having what felt like a "real" summer. I have lived in Seattle for ten years this September and I think, finally, the weather is starting to get to me. It's not winter-like in the winter, summer-like in the summer, and well, the seasons are all pretty much varying shades of gray and precipitation. Growing up in the Midwest, we had very distinct seasons, albeit fairly extreme sometimes. I remember a winter of 60 degrees below zero with the wind chill. And days of the upper 90s that crept in to the 100's. For several years I didn't miss those extremes one tiny little bit. Now, I still can't say I miss the extremes, but sometimes it seems like any change is better than none!

This summer in Michigan we had some rockin' heat and humidity. I can't say I could sit outside in it for very long, at a park or on my parents' deck, but we did get to the beach a bunch. Not enough (is it ever enough?) but still a lot! My parents live close to Lake Michigan so we spent time on several different beaches, though our favorite turned out to be the one that was closest, and the smallest.

Some days the lake was choppy with lots of waves. Perfect for Iris and I to body surf (though that was a bad day to wear a bikini!). Some days were very calm and it was easy to let the girls swim away from me a bit before I started panicking that they would get swept away.

The water really wasn't that warm, but what made it tolerable was the air being so warm. Once you went under and came back up you weren't instantly chilled by the air. In fact, once you went under and came back up you were much more comfortable!

I have started to joke (okay, or not really joke at all) that we need to start "summering" in Michigan. I just love it there so, so much. I grew up right on Lake Michigan, though on the Wisconsin side. I think a large part of my heart still resides in the waves of the lake.

Homeschooling ideas

2011-07-30T19:53:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been getting many questions about what we are doing for homeschooling, which is understandable considering the summer is slipping away quite quickly.

I was lucky enough to find a small group of families who have hired a Waldorf teacher to come and teach our kids two days per week for about five hours each day. The class will meet in one of the parent's homes, she has a classroom set up in her basement. Since my main goal this year was to provide Iris opportunities to interact with the same children on a longer term basis, this class will really fit the bill quite nicely, I believe. Iris may also be involved in a social skills group, but so far I haven't heard if the group is going to have enough members to run.

The other thing we are doing, as interest arises, is take classes at our local community center, which has "homeschooling" classes two days per week. I say "homeschooling" because they are open to anyone who would like to take one, but since they are during the day on weekdays, then that pretty much just leaves the home schoolers filling the classes. The classes can range from art to yoga to math to cooking.

And lastly is the the at-home portion of our homeschooling adventure. I am taking care to follow what 2nd graders should know because as of now our intention is to put Iris back in to school for 3rd grade. We will be doing the Five in a Row curriculum, though I will have to tweak it a bit since we won't be doing school at our home five days per week. FIAR focuses on learning different concepts based on different books that the founders of FIAR have chosen for various reasons. I will have to supplement with some math and so far I have a math workbook that we are going to work on, but I still have to check if it covers the right skills that Iris is going to need to learn so she can successfully head back in to a school setting.

I am also crossing my fingers that Eloise's new teacher will be open to me bringing Iris in to volunteer in the classroom. I think helping out with things like reading to the kids could be great for Iris.

I have to say that I am getting pretty excited about the school year. It's relieving to me to have Iris attending two days of classes out of the house because it gives me the time I need to do all of the other things I have to do in any given week.

The last thing I am getting excited about is shopping for school supplies! Perusing the crayons, pencils and folders at Target is a little bit too much fun, I think.

My inspiration

2011-07-27T20:10:00.000-07:00

I have been on a three week break visiting family and friends in Michigan and Wisconsin. There are lots of stories and pictures to share, but tonight I wanted to start with this.

I was able to coordinate a trip to Wisconsin around two events: a Maggie Stiefvater book signing at the Barnes and Noble in Madison and the Bon Iver show at the Riverside Theatre in Milwaukee.

True story. On Maggie's facebook page she wrote that she had arrived in Madison for the book signing (only, because it was Maggie, the post was much more witty than that). Lots of people commented things like "yay!" and "you're the greatest!" and whatnot. I commented that I had come in from Seattle to see her.

Then later at Barnes and Noble, when Maggie came out and started speaking, the very first thing she said was "true or false, one of you came from Seattle to see me tonight." I wanted to sink in to the bottom of my chair! Everyone looked around as I sheepishly raised my hand. I forget what Maggie said after that because I was too embarrassed, being called out by one of my very favorite authors and all. She was a hilarious, hilarious, speaker. I was one of the last people to get my copy of Forever signed and when I told Maggie who to write the autograph out to she said "oh, you're the girl from Seattle" and I verified I was. She said "you didn't come here just to see me, did you?" and I said that I had friends and family to visit, too. She was sweet and drew a wolf on my book because I had come so far. My friend Stephanie (who will get more mentions in future trip posts!) took this picture of Maggie and I. Notice how beet red I am. I get that way when I'm flustered/excited/embarrassed/nervous, well, pretty much any time someone looks at me. I am not sure what my deal is.

Then on Saturday night my sister and I went to the Bon Iver show. I was so pleased with myself, having scored fifth row seats by paying close attention to the pre-sale back in April. The show was beyond explanation. If you have never listened to Bon Iver, please go do so immediately. I'll wait.

This picture kind of drives me nuts. It was taken on my cell phone and honestly, it makes it look like I was further away than I actually was. We could see the whites of Justin's eyes. I point this out because when he sang he often had a semi-creepy stare straight at the ceiling above him.

So why am I starting out my trip talking about these two things? It's because I garnered an immense amount of inspiration for writing my novel from Maggie's work and Bon Iver's music. Many chapters of my book were written with For Emma, Forever Ago streaming through my headphones. Many nights were spent curled up in bed devouring each page of Shiver and Linger, thinking to myself that I would be thrilled if my story telling were even half as engaging as Maggie's.

It was quite magical for me to have had these two experiences on my trip, and inspired me to get off my butt (or maybe back on my butt, as the case may be!) and start writing again.

Thoughts on therapy

2011-06-24T10:35:00.000-07:00

Last week I met with a new therapist. Let's see, that makes it (getting out my fingers to count here . . . . ) four. Four therapists. Not for me (though I do have a few of them under my belt), but for my children. I met a therapist who will be working with my younger daughter, Eloise. In a few short weeks I will officially have both of my children in therapy. In a few short weeks Iris will also be seeing a psychiatrist, bringing our tally to five.

I joke about this. Quite a bit actually. My running punchline is, "I win!" because I already have ruined my kids at their tender young ages. Woo hoo, right? If I wasn't laughing I would be crying.

To clarify, Eloise is going to be seeing a therapist to help her (and us) sort through some of the anger and confusion of being the little sister to, well, someone who is a bully (to put it bluntly). I have begun to feel more concerned in the past few months about Eloise bringing her frustration of being a punching bag at home to school and letting it out on her classmates. The times when her school behavior is more troublesome coincides perfectly to those times when things at home are harder. Eloise has also begun verbalizing her sadness and confusion over Iris's behavior towards her and, well, I just don't know how to handle it. She needs support, and it's something I want to address before she goes to Kindergarten.

Recently I read an article called "How to Land Your Kid in Therapy" that was written for the Atlantic. Well, back up. I read the article because I first read a blog post by Teacher Tom that HE wrote about that article. Teacher Tom wrote about it much more eloquently than I will (and he touched on every single important part of the article) so I don't need to get too far in to it here. Here's the jist, though: Young adults are landing themselves in therapy because, despite having had a great upbringing and having everything they could want in life, they just aren't happy.

This phenomenon (if you want to call it that) may directly correlate to parents who raise their kids with too much protection. Not letting them fall and scrape their knee without immediately swooping in before the kid even realized what happened. Not letting them experience a loss in something like a sporting event. Giving in to every discomfort, making it better for your child so they don't have to learn to make it better for themselves. "Good jobbing" our kids to death. You get the picture.

These kids grow up not having the ability to know how to experience a fall, literally or figuratively, dust themselves off, buck up, and move on. By doing everything for them, we effectively bypass this process for them.

It makes sense, right? Honestly, though, I can't think of many parts of parenting that are harder. Letting my children get hurt?!?! And standing by when I know I could run in and fix it?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! I am not cut out for such things, and yet, these are the very things we need to be doing in order to raise kids who grow in to young adults and adults who can take care of themselves. If I want to raise well-adjusted children (and isn't that sorta the goal?) then I need to back off.

So what does this have to do with both of my girls being in therapy? I don't really know. Sorry, I suppose I should have warned you that I wasn't quite sure how to segue between these two thoughts. But I obviously I think quite a bit about how the way these girls are being raised will prepare them for the rest of their lives on how therapy fits in with that big picture. In fact, I might be a wee bit obsessed with it.

I hope all of the therapy now will pay off in dividends as the girls grow.Maybe we'll head off the need for therapy later? Let's hope so. Get back to me in about 20 years.

How rude.

2011-06-21T18:30:00.000-07:00

Iris's therapist may be the most annoying person I know.

Let me explain.

We (and by "we" I mean Iris and I, but mostly Iris) have been seeing her for a few months now. We both really like her, meaning, she is really nice and easy to talk to and Iris is fond of her. It is important that Iris actually likes her because they do one-on-one therapy without me in the room.

So today I am sitting in the therapist's office, with Iris, chatting about some challenges we have had recently. The therapist asked how bedtime was going, so I rolled my eyes and said "terrible". Remember when I wrote this post about our new and improved bedtime routine? About how we stopped fighting to get Iris to bed at the same time as Eloise and let her stay up later? It was great, for a while, but we have definitely realized that we traded one problem for another. Iris no longer fights and screams and keeps her sister awake (yay!) but now she is up super late and so I literally go to bed and wake up at the same time she does every day. Any parent knows how precious that time is between the time your kids go to bed and you do. Ahhhh, peace! Quiet! So we don't have that anymore.

I am on a tangent.

So today the therapist says "I think you need to just have Iris go back to the same bedtime as Eloise and say 'goodnight' and turn off the lights and leave the room and eventually she will learn she needs to quiet down and go to sleep. It might take a week of rough bedtimes, but she will get it."

Um, riiiiiiight. The reason we moved Iris to a later bedtime is that we literally tried for MONTHS to make this happen. Months, people. On our luckiest nights Iris would be quiet while Eloise fell asleep. On our unlucky nights (ie most of the time) Iris would scream and cry and keep Eloise awake and make all of our lives hell. But she never, ever fell asleep before 10:00.

What is so annoying is that I don't understand why our therapist would give me this piece of advice. If the solution really were that easy, do you think we would be in therapy? I wish I could have her come to my house and witness what actually happens here.

I honestly think the only solution to the sleep woes in this house are separate bedrooms for each of us, which is, oh, about two more bedrooms than we actually have right now. Every single person has such different sleep needs that there really is no other rational answer.

The other gem I got today was "it sounds like Iris is ruling the house". And you know what is annoying about that? 1) it is probably true, and 2) I feel like I am one of the most strict mothers I know and STILL my children often are not listening to me and end up doing whatever they want, despite any kind of discipline I use.

I hope you can feel the frustration oozing right off of your screen. If so, you certainly got the intent of the post.

My sweet girl turns seven

2011-06-18T16:37:00.000-07:00

I have reached the point that I no longer want to write these birthday posts. Every year I document my beautiful daughter growing at a rate that I swear is equal to the speed of light times a billion infinities. I asked Iris if she could please stop growing. We would still throw parties for her every year, a "birthday" party of sorts, but instead of getting older, she would just stay the same age. She didn't agree.

So here we go.

Iris, when you were born seven years ago today I was so scared. It was me and you against the world and I just prayed that I could be a decent mommy to you. I didn't look forward to the next day, week or month, it was all about what was happening in the moment. If someone had told me on that day anything about who you would be at seven I wouldn't have believed them. I couldn't even imagine what the next seven years would bring for us.

I had no idea, that day when you became my daughter, I would become the most amazing thing I could ever imagine becoming: a mother. YOUR mother. Thank you.

You have the most amazing imagination of anyone I have ever known. You picked up crayons at 14 months old and from that day forward you never stopped drawing. I wish I could live just one day in the worlds that you create.

You desire both security and independence. Watching you slowly distance yourself from my protection has been both heartbreaking and thrilling. I wish I could both snuggle you in to my lap for the rest of your life and stand aside beaming while you take off and spread your wings.

Unlike the day of your birth, I can now look forward and attempt to imagine who you will be in the future. What will our mother-daughter bond look like when you are a teenager? When you move away from home and go to college? When you have your first child and become a mother yourself?

Today we celebrated your birthday with friends at the rollerskating rink. I didn't get to spend very much time with you until the very end, when you asked me to skate with you. I reached out my hand, thinking you meant that we would skate together holding hands.

You ignored my hand and skated quickly past me. I sped up to catch up to you. We took several spins around the rink with me skating about as fast as I could just to keep up with you. I imagined this scenario, played out across many facets of our life. I was proud of your strength. That was the happiest moment of my whole day.

This year I was so excited to bring you to Hawaii and experience so many things together for the first time in either of our lives. We both swam in the ocean for the first time. We snorkeled for the first time. We saw sea turtles for the first time. We both took our longest flight ever. We watched spinner dolphins leap and play around us. We watched the sun set over the ocean from the beach.

I watched you swim with such bravery. I knew you were physically capable of swimming across deep water, you just needed the confidence. In Hawaii, you found it. You jumped right in to the ocean right off the back of a boat without a hint of doubt.

As a child who can easily be overcome by fear, it was an especially tremendous feat.

I am so proud of you, Iris, and I love you. Happy Birthday. Seven is going to be a great year for you.

A break in the Maui posts (or, back to regularily scheduled life)

2011-06-13T22:30:00.001-07:00

Ah, life. Real live life. I want to go back to Maui. Real life doesn't seem to happen there. Here are my jumbled thoughts:

We have been back for almost two weeks and we still aren't back on PST. I am going to bed/waking up a full two hours later than I did before Hawaii. Ugh. I want to get to bed earlier, but the girls are going to bed later and then everything else happens later. One of these mornings I should rip us all out of bed at 5:00 am to reset our internal clocks.

Iris has been out of school since we got back and it's been an interesting adjustment. I have kids home with me 24/7, which of course is what I signed up for, but still it's an adjustment. The girls are doing remarkably well despite having so much more time together during the week, but Eloise still gets a two day per week "break" when she goes to preschool. I am working on finding a babysitter to help me out a little bit and I had no idea it would be such a hard process!

Last week I met some amazing families who are working on forming a small program for their home schooled kids that would meet a few hours a week with formal Waldorf instruction. It would be the most perfect situation for Iris and I am crossing my fingers and toes it works out. We just need one or two more families to join.

On Sunday I sold my wedding dress, the one that was handmade for me by an amazing local designer. It's an extremely unique dress, and I am a pretty unique size (six feet tall) so I have had it half-heartedly listed for sale on one post on a message board for over two years with no serious interest. Last week a woman saw my very old post and contacted me. Not only were we virtually the same size, but she lives in the same city my sister does so I sent my dress to my sister and the gal went to try it on and loved it. I thought it was going to be hard for me to let go, but the opposite was true. I am so thrilled someone else will get some joy out of wearing the dress.

My big girl lost her first tooth and is turning seven at the end of the week. Where is the time going? Seven. Surreal. Look forward to a post about that!

My little girl got in to the public school that we wanted her to get in to so we are happy about that. It is our first foray in to public school, up until now we've had the girls in private school. So next year Iris will be home schooled and Eloise public schooled. We have been having all sorts of shiny happy moments come up that solidify our decision to send Eloise to this school so it's all very exciting. I have to say, though, I am pretty sad about sending Eloise to full day school. I do not want her to go. SHE wants to go. I told her I would pick her up before lunch every day and she looked at me like I was insane. "No, I want to stay for lunch!" she said. UGH! Who is this kid? I want her to stay little. Honestly I am more stressed about sending Eloise away to full day, full week school than I am about homeschooling a second grader.

I am ready for summer. Being in Maui gave me a taste for warm weather and I can't stand that June in Seattle means highs in the mid 60's.

Okay, I think I will end there.

Maui's tacos are delicious

2011-06-09T10:14:00.000-07:00

On Monday morning Matt and my mom took Iris snorkeling with the turtles. I stayed behind in our room with Eloise, but I heard a turtle came right up to Iris. I can't say enough how amazed I was at the girls' snorkeling abilities. Because they were able to snorkel they could see so many more amazing things than they ever would have seen from above the water. I really wish we would have at least taken pictures of the girls snorkeling in the ocean. Guess we'll have to go back!

At lunch time Matt and the girls drove my mom and I up to the Honolua Store in Kapalua, which was just north of Napili where we were staying. While Napili has a more old-school Hawaiian vibe (read: lower rent) Kapalua is home of the Ritz-Carlton resort. Need I say more?

We had a yummy lunch and headed out to hike back to Napili Village (where we were staying) on the Kapalua Coastal Trail, which I wrote about in my first post. The sites from the trail were beautiful.

One interesting bit of information is that the Ritz-Carlton is built back away from the ocean a bit with a sprawling golf course like lawn stretching between the resort and the beach. Why the lawn? Well, apparently when the R-C was supposed to be on the water. When they began construction it was discovered they were on top of a burial ground. Hawaiians protested the excavation of their ancestors bodies and R-C didn't concede until they had unearthed 500 bodies. Really R-C? You didn't think it would be a good idea to stop digging up dead people after the first, I don't know, 200 or so?

But anyways! The view of the ocean from the Kapalua Coastal Trail is amazing.

The Honolua Store. Delicious sandwiches. 10 outta 10.

Part of the trail.

These three pictures above were from a beautiful part of the south end of Oneloa Bay.

Oneloa Bay. I thought it was so interesting that you could find a beach like this (big waves, not too hospitable) just a bit away from a beach like this one below, which is Kapalua Bay/Kapalua Beach. We never got to spend time on Kapalua Beach, much to my dismay, but it looked lovely from the trail!

Coming up on Napili Bay.

Later in the day my mom and I went back to snorkel in the turtle cove. The tide had come in and several of the turtles were up feeding on the edge of a rock ledge that was under water, but previously was exposed enough to walk on. There weren't too many turtles to be found on the bottom of the cove, but it was so much fun watching the sea turtles bob and roll in the waves as they tried to stay on the edge. We tried our hardest to get pictures and video but didn't come up with anything too terribly extraordinary. Clearly, plenty of beautiful sea turtle pictures could be found elsewhere, but we were proud our measly shots!

Oh hi honu!

You know what we had for dinner that night? Maui Tacos! Yum yum.

Blowhole, baby!

2011-06-08T21:27:00.000-07:00

I just got a comment from Kristen that she had been in the same place we were in Maui. So fun! Right now there is nothing I love more than chatting with people who have been to Maui, so I would love your comments! What did you do there? Where did you stay? Any highlights to mention?

When we poured through our Maui Revealed book at home Iris labelled several things with sticky notes that she didn't want to miss while we were there. One of those was the Nakalele Blowhole. None of us knew what to expect other than our friends (the ones who were staying at the Westin that the amazing pool photos were taken at) told us to wear sturdy shoes. I am glad they told us that, as most of us certainly would have worn flip flops.

What can I say about this "must-see" Maui feature? First of all, when you are hiking down to it, you feel like A) there really is no trail and you're just going to get lost and need to be rescued by a helicopter. Luckily there was a group ahead of us who seemed to know where they were going so we more or less followed them. B) that you are in some bizarre world, maybe like the moon or something, but a moon that has a roaring ocean the most amazing colors of blue. The rock formations are so surreal.

The blowhole was pretty cool. There is a spot in the rocks that has been worn away by the ocean so when a big wave crashes in to the rocks it shoots water up many many feet in to the air in a jaw-dropping show.

This post needs pictures, so without further ado:

On our way down to the blowhole. I wish these pictures REALLY captured the color of the water. It was so many different shades of blue. Of all of the time I've spent in the water in my life, I had never seen anything like that.

Our fearless leader!

The blowhole. That tiny little peach colored person off to the left is me.

Sort of hard to get the full effect without some scale, but it was very far above our heads!

Looking down at the blowhole from a ledge.

The blowhole was off to the left just out of frame in this photo. That is a huge wave crashing in to those rocks. It was the second one that came up and I grabbed my camera after the first hoping I would catch another one. The first one seriously looked like it was going to wash all of those people away, lucky for them it didn't!

On the hike back up. That's my ma. If you click on that picture to see it bigger you will notice how cool the rocks are up close. I *think* they got that way from the salt eroding them.

The hike back up.

When I posted this last picture on Facebook I titled it something like "on the path back up from the blowhole". Matt's cousin commented "path?" And I said "exactly." People, there was NO path. It is amazing we weren't left to die in the sun circled by vultures. Or wait, I guess we just could have waited for someone to pass us on the way back and followed them. But that isn't so dramatic to say.

After this we headed back to our headquarters and lounged the rest of the day. We deserved it.

When we really snorkeled with sea turtles

2011-06-07T08:57:00.000-07:00

On Saturday morning my mom and I decided to check out Honokeana Cove just south of Napili Bay that we heard rumors about many sea turtles inhabiting.

We weren't disappointed. There were at least a dozen sea turtles either on the bottom of the cove in the coral, up on the surface, or in transit somewhere between the surface and the bottom. It was amazing. If you click on that link above you will see the pictures that we wish we had taken. That is EXACTLY what it looked like.

After snorkeling Matt and I took the girls to meet some friends of ours at the Westin Kaanapali Ocean Resort Villas to partake in the amazing, sprawling pool. The resort was pretty fantastic looking.

When it was time to take a break from swimming we went in to Lahaina to eat lunch at Aloha Mixed Plate. I wasn't impressed with the food, but the view was amazing. It had canvas tarps for a roof and no walls or anything. I guess in Hawaii you don't need walls!

We had previously decided we wouldn't go to a luau on this trip but we still wanted to see some hula dancers. The keiki hula show at the Lahaina Cannery Mall didn't disappoint. Yes, it was a hula show in the middle of a mall, but it was pretty fun all the same.

The rest of the day was spent in the pool, reading, lounging, eating and playing Uno. Ahhhhh.

The giant pool at the Westin.

A hilarious picture of Matt and Eloise at Aloha Mixed Plate.

The view from our table.

The hula show. Our favorites were the teeny little girls in the middle.

Iris and Eloise make sand angels at the beach.

When we first snorkeled with sea turtles*

2011-06-06T15:23:00.000-07:00

Things started to get really fun on Friday of our Maui vacation. We woke up early (well, early for Maui. Luckily we were all still on PST or, in my mother's case, EST) and headed to Maalea Harbor for our five hour tour (oh man, I can't believe we never ONCE sang the Gilligan's Island song when we were on the boat!) on a boat named Lani Kai. Actually, the boat went to Molokini, which is where pretty much every boat takes passengers to snorkel. Molokini is a volcanic crater that has some great snorkeling, or at least, that's what we were told. You know, it probably wouldn't take much to convince us, being that four of the five of us have never been snorkeling before.

But truly, it was amazing. Crystal clear water and tons of coral and vibrant fish. We bought an underwater camera but all of our pictures look like green murk. Ah, well. We have our memories!

The girls jumped right in to the ocean, no fear whatsoever, outfitted in a wet suit and snorkel gear. They swam all over and had a great time. Later the gal who was the crew member on our boat said the girls were some of the best kids she has seen on the boat, so that was nice to hear!

This is a view as we approached Molokini. Impressive, no?

After snorkeling the girls had a blast going off the slide on the front of the boat. There was a pretty decent drop off at the end of the slide!

All five of us after we had snorkeled and, I think, eaten lunch. The lady in the background was my favorite passenger. She didn't snorkel, I think she was someone's mom who was snorkeling. She just drank a lot and sat in the sun. On the way back to the harbor there was a huge amount of spray hitting the front of the boat and she was the only one up there and getting completely drenched. Okay, maybe you had to be there, but it was funny at the time!

One exhausted little girl!

Iris and I. Iris ended up falling asleep on me later in the trip. I don't know that she has ever done that since she was a baby.

Eloise and I. I was a big fan of the self-portrait shots on our trip.

The highlight of the whole boat trip was a pod of spinner dolphins (yes, I had to look up what a group of dolphins was called) that swam up to our boat to play. They swam along the front and the side of the boat spinning along the way. It was absolutely amazing.

This isn't the best shot, but my mom and the girls were laying on these trampoline type things on the front of the boat (it was a catamaran) and could practically have reached down and touched the dolphins that were underneath them. I think there was about 15 or so, it was hard to tell.

And two last pictures that were some of my favorites from that night:

My mom and Eloise walking on the beach.

The sunset was amazing.

*only Iris and I saw a (yes, one lone) sea turtle on our boat trip. Thankfully, there was many more to come in our future!

Aloooooooha!

2011-06-04T17:18:00.001-07:00

Why Aloha? We just returned from a magical, amazing, relaxing, fantastic vacation in Maui. Oh, how I loved it. Iris was crying when we left the vacation condos we stayed in, and I have to say, I completely understood why. I have never been on a "real" vacation in my life, so this was extra fun. Will definitely be counting down the days until we return!

We stayed at a place called Napili Village, which I would highly recommend if you ever want to go to Maui and have a laid back, relatively inexpensive (everything on Maui is expensive), smallish place to crash that is close to beautiful beaches and great snorkeling.

Due to the time difference (Maui is three hours behind Seattle) we got in just before lunch on Wednesday. Despite being tired from a long flight and a pretty crappy experience dealing with the gate agents at the airport, we were ready to get outside and start our vacation!

We changed in to our warm weather clothes and headed down to Napili Beach to check it out. For some reason it didn't really occur to us that if you're on the beach and anywhere near the water, you're going to get wet. You know, waves and all. Here's my mom and Matt in the aftermath of a wave. I was wearing my jeans, although rolled up, I still was pretty soaked.

This guy was playing his guitar and singing reggae songs over a recorded beat. It was kind of neat to have a live soundtrack to our introduction to the ocean. We didn't find out until the next day that he, and the crowd of people around him, was there for a "going away" party for someone who was returning to the mainland.

We took pictures of the sunset every night we could. It was so beautiful. The sun sets much earlier in Maui than it does in Seattle. We had to catch it at about 6:30 and it was pretty much down by 7:00.

Iris and Eloise made a little friend on the beach. He initially walked over to Iris and said "will you dance with me?" He was small, I would guess four. It was so sweet. Iris didn't want to dance, so he asked Eloise. She didn't either so the three of them started playing a game where they sat on the sand and waited for the waves to pull them down towards the water. Needless to say, the girls were absolutely FULL of sand by the time we left.

A kind stranger took this picture of my mom, Eloise and I on Napili Beach at sunset. Ahhhh . . .

On Thursday morning we rented our snorkeling gear for the week. All of us, including the girls, got gear. I had no idea how they would like it, or if they would even try it. Well, I think the picture below pretty much answers that question. Once they got the gear on, they took off. No learning curve whatsoever. Matt, the girls and I had to learn in the pool at the condos where we stayed.

Our little island girls all dressed up in their sarongs! My mom brought these along for the trip.

The palm trees overhead were incredibly tall and swayed in the breeze all day long. They were so pretty!

In the afternoon we "hiked" the first part of the Kapalua Coastal Trail. It went past Kapalua Beach and the Ritz Carlton resort then out on a point that held some amazing views and also housed birds who made their nests in holes underground.

Here's the fam hamming it up behind a cool tree.

Here we are out on the point along the trail.

Self-portrait of Eloise and I on the trail.

This was a walkway along the north side of Napili Bay.

Our day was punctuated by Iris getting a pretty fantastic sunburn despite putting sunscreen on her approximately three billion times. I guess when you're a fair-skinned red head on an island close the equator no sunscreen in the world will help you not burn.

It's also pretty fun to be able to walk around shoeless and either entirely or half-clothed in a swimsuit and no one thinks anything about it.

No more babies

2011-05-21T19:42:00.001-07:00

I've thought about this quite a bit, about how quickly the girls are growing up, how much farther and farther they move away from being babies every single day. For so long (or at least, at the time it felt long) I wished for the easier days I knew were to come. The days when I would sleep again, would be done diapering, done nursing, done with the "annoying" parts of having small children. "Some day she won't need to be rocked to sleep anymore," I would think night after endless night.

Picture from low tide in the Puget Sound.

If I ever have another chance to give parents of new babies a piece of advice, I will say "enjoy the nights of rocking a screaming baby. Some day you really will look back and miss it."

The "easier days" are here, and of course, they are easier in all the ways they can be without the hassle of diaper bags and scheduling around naps. But of course, anyone with bigger kids knows, the days just sort of fill up with other things. New stressors. Busier lives.

Look at how big this girl is!

Today Iris pointed out the new shopping carts at Target with the two extra seats for little kids to get buckled in to. I said, "those are for babies, too bad I don't have babies anymore."

Both of my kids are too big for so many things. Too big to ride in shopping carts (at least, in the seat part). Too big for high chairs (despite Eloise's dismay). Too big for baby swings (again, to Eloise's dismay).

I think quite a bit about my role as a stay-at-home mom. I have never had a career. I have had many jobs, though. I didn't love, or even particularly like, any of them. I have a degree, but I have never done anything with it, at least professionally. I have been a stay-at-home mom longer than I have done any job in my life.

This coming school year I will have a second grader and a kindergartner. At this stage, most people would have both kids in full time school, though we will have one homeschooler. But maybe, probably, not forever. I am stay-at-home mom, so how does that work when your kids aren't at home all day? What does that role, that job, that career, look like then? None of us want me to go back to working, at least not a full-time job. My husband wants me to do whatever would make me happy.

You know what would make me happy? To have my girls still be home. To have them still be little. It's hard to watch them grow up in to these bigger, little people.

Parenting class night seven: limits and consequences

2011-05-17T07:10:00.000-07:00

How apropos that last week's class was on limits and consequences. Oh, how we struggle with those in our house. One of my "favorite" things is when people tell me I don't set strong enough limits for the girls. Seriously, I feel like that is all I do some days! Maybe not in the right ways, though, I don't know.

One of the extremely frustrating things happening in our house right now is getting the girls to clean their playroom at night. Now, both girls can do it. They can do it working together and I have seen them both successfully clean the playroom entirely by themselves. They are formally given half an hour (they have to start working on it at 6:30, but they can start earlier if they wish). If the playroom doesn't get clean, and we all know what the definition of "clean" is in that case, so no ambiguity, then it is closed the ENTIRE NEXT DAY. And they still have to go in and finish the cleaning. I implemented this rule about two months ago or so and since then the playroom has been closed about five or six times. This past week, though? THREE DAYS. Three days my girls have gotten the playroom closed. Two of those were full days off of school, too. And you know what? They don't seem to really care. They used to cry and throw a fit, but now they yell for about two minutes and then, oh well.

So as far as consequences go, I don't even know what I am supposed to do with that. In my mind that is a pretty extreme consequence. When I started it I thought "oh my, what did I do!" but overall it's worked. We still have to get the girls to clean without monster hissy fits, but that's a whole other post.

In addition to talking about consequences, and only giving ones you are prepared to follow through with, we talked about reducing the number of commands, over all. I struggle with this. My children don't listen, I am the textbook Mom repeating "get your shoes on!" five times every morning. Need to work on this one.

We also discussed that it is okay for children to be disappointed and we can even "create opportunities for disappointment". I suppose this is for parents who give in to everything, but that so isn't me. This goes along with two other ideas which are to be aware of short-term pain/long-term gain and "dropping the rope". STP/LTG is about setting difficult limits with our children now so that they will start paying off some time in the future. Dropping the rope means to not engage in a verbal back-and-forth with our kids. Not allowing your child to continue to argue or discuss something that you have already given the final word on. Iris is notorious for this, she loves to continue to challenge something. Now I can say "I have let you know what I need you to do and I am now done talking about it."

In class we were also reminded to come back to the basics, which is playing with our children one-on-one every day and "praising" them every day. It was a good reminder for me, because I have definitely been slacking on this one.

Oh, gosh

2011-05-14T14:00:00.001-07:00

On Friday morning I wrote a blog post that was even more whine, whine, whine and woe is me. I was going to tell you about how hopeless and frustrated I am feeling about Iris being able to change, or grow, or whatever a kid needs to do in order to not be so incredibly difficult. I was going to tell you about one of Iris's classmates giving me an unsolicited report on Iris's behavior that almost made me cry. I was also going to tell you about how I googled "Oppositional Defiant Disorder" based on Jen's comment from my pity party post. Then I was going to tell you how the definition fits Iris almost 100%. Let's see. I was also going to tell you how MY therapist said it sounds like Iris needs medication, so I emailed Iris's therapist and asked the big question.

I HATE medication. I hate the idea of it. I hate taking my own. I hate everything about it. But I am willing to try if Iris's therapist thinks it would help.

So, anyways, I was going to tell you about all of that (aren't you glad I didn't?! Ha.) but I decided not to. And then as I spent the entire day on Friday feeling like the biggest grump in the world because the girls' behavior was so ridiculously awful I thought maybe I should write another blog rant.

But I didn't.

Today we weren't even out of bed before Iris started in her issues. I braced myself for another one of those days, but luckily, at least so far, things have gone really well. Matt helped me get the girls ready and on to the bus so I could take them downtown to a kids' symphony performance. After that we went down to Pike's Place Market to buy giant cookies and then to eat lunch and then took the bus back home. The girls were so much fun. And they listened. And didn't fight. And Iris wasn't in one of her moods. And it was so great.

It reminded me that those moments are what we are working for, what we are working towards. That there is a kid in Iris underneath all of her difficulties that is so amazing and wonderful and a true joy to be around. I wish there was a way I could remember that when she is on her tenth screaming fit of the day after hitting her sister for the eighth time before telling me how much she hates me for the thousandth time. I get so wrapped up in my frustration and anger that I sometimes forget what a cool kid we have when she either wants to be or can be. Sometimes I can't decide if she is acting out on purpose or because she truly can't help it.

Yummy recipe for you

2011-05-11T12:54:00.001-07:00

Okay, kind of a 180 from my last post, but this is where my mind is at today (I'll get back to that all again soon). I'm all Suzie Homemaker up in here and decided to do a little fun cooking on this rainy afternoon.

Today I made Artichoke, Spinach and White Bean Dip from Cooking Light and it was really good.

Here is the recipe as it stands from Cooking Light:

Ingredients
1/4 cup (1 ounce) grated fresh pecorino Romano cheese
1/4 cup canola mayonnaise
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1/8 teaspoon ground red pepper
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 (15-ounce) can organic white beans, rinsed and drained
1 (14-ounce) can baby artichoke hearts, drained and quartered
1 (9-ounce) package frozen chopped spinach, thawed, drained, and squeezed dry
Cooking spray
1/2 cup (2 ounces) shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese

Preparation
1. Preheat oven to 350°.
2. Place Romano cheese, 1/4 cup mayonnaise, 1 teaspoon lemon juice, salt, black pepper, red pepper, minced garlic, and white beans in a food processor, and process until smooth. Spoon into a medium bowl. Stir in the artichokes and spinach. Spoon the mixture into a 1-quart glass or ceramic baking dish coated with cooking spray. Sprinkle with 1/2 cup mozzarella. Bake at 350° for 20 minutes or until bubbly and brown.

I made a few changes (of course!). I used fat-free nayonaise (yes I spelled that right, it's a vegan mayo alternative that I love, tastes faintly mustardy) instead of the mayo and garbanzos instead of the white beans. I switched the beans because I didn't have white beans. I was a little annoyed with myself for not using some of my copious amounts of fresh baby spinach instead of the frozen, but whatever.

It was really yummy. The only problem with dips like this is that even if they are relatively low-calorie you still have to have something to dip in to them with. I chose rice cakes and pretzels, though pita crisps or something would have been waaaay yummier! Ha ha.

Pity party, table for one

2011-05-09T21:11:00.000-07:00

My head hurts. And I'm tired. And I'm cranky.

Tonight I am angry with Iris. I hate to say this, but sometimes, I just want her to go away. I don't wish anything bad to happen, of course, but I just sort of wish that the she had a fairy godparent to come and whisk her away for a few days and then I could just . . . . relax.

Tonight I am angry at the stupid effing sticker charts that we started for the girls. The sticker charts which, I am starting to see quite clearly, really haven't changed their behavior at all. And yet, we stuck to it, and rewarded them with stupid Barbie houses which I half want to throw in the garbage. Because we bought them based on sticker charts that didn't change anything. They were rewards for our girls basically not changing at all.

Tonight I am angry, but not in a way that makes me scary ugly screaming crazy mom, but in a way that makes me want to shake my fists at the universe. I am angry that I have a child who is so. freaking. hard. I know, it's a pity party, I know it could be so much worse, right? But still. How can we work THIS hard and STILL have a child who is so hurtful, physically and emotionally, to the people in her life.

Tonight I am angry that I got an email response from Iris's teacher and I come to find out they are doing everything in the classroom I could ever hope for them to be doing, and still, nothing is changing.

Tonight I am angry that I am reading several books right now about how to parent my difficult child and I just want to scream at the pages and tell the authors to just come to my house and fix my child right this second because most days I don't feel like I have anything left in me to do the job myself, pleaseandthankyou.

It feels like the recurring theme right now is: work your ass off, but nothing will change.

It sort of feels like maybe I should stop working on it, because, you know, the result will be no different. I am feeling like this about Iris, as well as about myself. I think the only thing I have worked just as hard on as I have with this stuff with Iris is trying to lose weight and get in to shape. And guess what, despite intense amounts of daily effort, nothing has changed.

Tonight I am angry that I ever thought that effort equalled results. Because it soooooo doesn't.

P.S. this is my 1000th post. Yay for me!

How does your garden grow?

2011-05-09T12:11:00.000-07:00

It has been so much fun to watch the seeds in the garden beds sprout this year.

The spinach is getting ready!

The mesculin is looking delicious.

One of my gnomes is hidden behind the hostas. These plants are so funny. Having never been the care taker of hostas, I didn't realize that they only appeared to completely die in the fall. When little stick-like shoots came out of the ground this spring, I didn't think much of it. Then I somehow was out of the yard long enough for the plants to get all big and leafy on me without my notice! So fun.

I *think* this is a ranunculus. It was also hiding in the garden bed, a hold over from last summer.

This is the bouquet of flowers Eloise picked out for me for Mother's Day with a few sprigs of lilac from the bush in our yard. I looooooove the smell of lilac.
So, yes, as you may have noticed, I am working harder on including pictures in my posts. Often the subject matter doesn't exactly lend itself to pictures, per se, but I'll try! A picture-free blog is a boring blog.

Musings on Mother's Day and Bribery

2011-05-08T19:11:00.000-07:00

It's Mother's Day. Hooray! I love Mother's Day. It was a guilt-free excuse for me to say I was leaving for half the day to go do something for myself while Matt and the girls stayed home.

So what did I do, you ask? I went clothes shopping, mostly for shorts, and to see a movie. All by myselfs. In case you were wondering why I had to go shopping for shorts, well, there's a sad answer for that. Despite working my ass off since January, I haven't really lost any weight at all. Well, I've lost a little off my bust and hips, but zero off my waist, therefor, all of the shorts I have are too small for my jiggly bits. It was really sad, trying on clothes that accentuated the muffin top that was no longer supposed to be there (you promised, Jillian Michaels!!!!!) but alas, it is what it is. So I have new shorts, and I promised myself they would not be worn again next summer.

Ha.

I went to see the movie Water for Elephants, which, like most books made in to movies, was a decent enough movie but left out so much of the beauty of the book. Of course, it added in the beauty of Robert Pattinson's goofy grin, so I guess that was a pretty good trade off for storyline.

And then, the piece de resistance, I came home to a clean house! Awwwwww yeah! Best Mother's Day ever!

Switching gears here, another fairly exciting thing happened today, which is that the girls reached their "medium prize" in the sticker chart process. OHMYGOD it was a horrible, no good, rotten weekend for the girls, though. We haven't had one this difficult in a long time, though, so I am trying to keep that in mind. I wanted to chuck their "medium prize" right out the damn window, but they did eventually earn it tonight after many hours of decidedly not earning it.

Here the girls are showing off their 200 hundred stickers and their prizes. PS, they both chose these prizes themselves.

It took them two weeks to earn these with being able to earn one sticker for every half hour of time they spend together. Starting tomorrow we are moving up to one sticker for every one hour of time.

To be perfectly honest, I have NO idea if, overall, the sticker charts are working. It was crystal clear this weekend that the promise of a BARBIE GLAM VACATION HOUSE was NOT going to make our daughters not smash each other to bits. I mean, if that isn't going to make them buck up and fly right, I don't know what will. Certainly not, oh, you know, an innate desire to not smash each other's face off.

We're going to keep working on them, though. I have some questions in to our parenting class teacher about some details that just don't seem to be working, I am interested in what she has to say.

Still searching for the right fit

2011-05-06T21:21:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a bit bummed today. In the past week I've checked out two local home school programs that I thought would be great matches for our family, or more specifically, for Iris. My goal was to find a one day per week program that ran throughout the school year so that Iris would have a chance to build relationships with kids that would last for a while (both of these programs fit that bill). Before touring, I imagined myself feeling really torn between the two, not sure which to choose, because in my mind, they both seemed so perfect. Unfortunately, reality is rarely perfect. Now I wonder if either is even going to be "good enough".

The first program we checked out is an (outdoor) wilderness program. The space it was held was incredible, the teachers were fantastic, it was all really amazing. The only problem that I see now, and one that I anticipated, was that we have a child who, well, kind of hates being outside if the weather is anything less than stellar. And we live in Seattle, so hello. I think "our weather is less than stellar" should be the city's new motto. Iris did say she liked what we learned about at the open house, but she didn't want to do class outside all day. Fair enough. Truth be told, I probably wouldn't, either. We are not an "outdoorsy" family. I liked that Iris would get exposure to things we really wouldn't otherwise do with her. The one other majorly redeeming factor about this particular program is that it is extremely close to home. It's just a five minute drive or a very hearty walk straight up hill for about two miles.

The second program we went to check out was entirely different. It is a small group that focuses on language arts. The classes are held in a space that doesn't belong to the teacher, so it is simply borrowed on class days, which means there is nothing the kids work on that is that big, or messy, or a permanent part of their environment. They do daily field trips and explore the neighborhood and parks in a very beautiful area of the city. In my mind I envisioned the program more of being a spot for huge, messy explosions of creativity, but it's more like little explosions of creativity. This particular program is run in a neighborhood that can take about 30-40 minutes to get to if traffic is bad, which it would be every morning. While the teacher seemed very smart and full of great ideas and information, it didn't feel to me that there was that much going on, education wise, that I couldn't do with Iris at home. The main goal, for me, of that program would be the social element.

Both programs pretty much ask for a commitment for the whole program year right up front.

So, yeah, I'm bummed. I am feeling like I might need to throw out my desire for a pre-made, structured program and dig a little deeper to figure out what I can put together that will be the right thing for Iris's social, emotional and educational growth. I mean, that should be pretty easy, right?

Yes, there is a real person under this parenting stuff

2011-05-04T19:58:00.000-07:00

I was realizing I have been posting SO much about my journey through my parenting classes and joys and struggles (I need to work more on the joy part of that!) that I have sort of lost my own self on my blog. Despite what I am writing about, I do, actually, have a few slivers of time for myself and my own interests and pursuits.

My newest fun thing I wanted to share is that I have decided I want to become a morning person. Yeah, I know, sort of weird, but in my quest to discover where my own personal time would come from every day, I decided it would be the early morning hours. My two days per week that the girls are in school are getting to be almost completely eaten up by appointments and errands. My night time hours are taken up mostly by Iris's new schedule of staying up later and getting family admin stuff taken care of. So what's a mama to do? Why, dig in to her slumbering hours, of course! Ha ha, no, it's not that bad. I am trying to go to bed earlier and having the sun already up at 6:00 am helps quite a bit. No way could I get up while it was still dark out.

BUT! The main reason I am getting up earlier is that I am going to an early morning yoga class two days per week. I am home from the class before my family is even awake. I have to say, it's awesome. My yoga class is awesome. My yoga teacher is awesome. The whole thing is A+.

My other new fun thing is that I pay someone every week to sit and listen empathetic ally while I talk about myself (aka I go to therapy). I haven't been to therapy in a few years and MAN, I forgot how awesome it is. I'm on this whole new program of working from a few different angles of getting my anxiety issues in order, so hopefully it works. I am enjoying the appointments, but sometimes it's like ONE MORE THING I have to do every week. Sometimes, even when something is fun and helpful, it can still feel a little bit like work.

If you've been reading here for a year or more you may remember how last year at this time I was chin-deep in co-chairing my girls' school's annual auction. I have stepped aside from the task of running it this year but was missing having a hand in the organizing. I just got a few projects to work on. Nothing complicated, in fact, it's a few pieces of the stuff I did last year. I didn't realize that I might actually feel good about taking on a little work.

We are getting extremely close to beginning our homeschooling journey, just under three weeks until Iris's last day of school! It probably doesn't sound like a "me time" thing, but I am really enjoying digging deeper in to information about everything. I recently joined the homeschoolers group for all of Seattle and it's truly invigorating to know so many families are on the same journey. There are more activities going on then one could ever come close to participating in. Last week we went to an open house for an (outdoor) wilderness program that runs one day a week. It happens very close to our house in a beautiful spot of wilderness that makes you feel miles outside the city. We are also going to another open house this week for a different one day per week program. I am giddy with excitement! Maybe it's just ME who wants to be a homeschooler?

Along those lines, I read a bunch of different homeschooling blogs that I like for various reasons. One of them is the Pioneer Woman's homeschooling blog. This morning I read a guest post by someone who only homeschooled one of her children while the others were in a traditional school. Since this is the route we are going, I am keenly aware that this is a true rarity. I was so tickled to read a post about it!

Although technically we start homeschooling in June, I haven't purchased any curriculum yet. The summer will be spent "unschooling" and exploring Iris's interests and getting in to a rhythm of our day.

The other big exciting thing I am starting to put more energy in to is our upcoming Maui vacation! Have I ever said I have never been on a real vacation before? As a child we spent our summers sailing on Lake Michigan (which, don't get me wrong, was truly amazing). Once I left home any "vacation" money I had went towards travelling to see my family in WI and MI. Finally, finally!, I am going to the beach. To somewhere warm and wonderful. Of course, these vacations don't just happen on their own! There is much preparation and planning to be done. Thankfully, I enjoy that sort of thing!

So frustrated

2011-05-02T18:52:00.000-07:00

As you have read here, Matt and I are working pretty hard on helping the girls, especially Iris, improve their behavior. Also as I have written, we've had pretty good success with everything we are doing. Annoyingly (or rather, not surprisingly) the improvements in behavior are directly related to how much Matt and I are working on it. Which is to say, not working on it = sliding back to the same ol' same ol'. But still, over all, we're on a fantastic upward trend.

Of course, there is always a catch. Ever since we have started the parenting class and the therapy with Iris we haven't received any positive feedback from Iris's teachers. In fact, the only feedback we receive is negative in nature. This part is frustrating for two reasons, the first of which being that OHMYGOD WE ARE WORKING SO HARD! and the second of which being that we know her behavior isn't 100% bad at school, but that is all we are hearing about.

Today a teacher approached me about a situation and wanted my feedback on ways to deal with it. Of course, I very much appreciated being asked, but unfortunately my response was: I have no idea what to do.

All of the work we have been doing at home, for some reason or another, doesn't sound like it is translating to what Iris is doing at school. Or maybe it is, but I'm not hearing about it. Who knows. I don't really know what to do about it. At home we talk about situations that might come up with her friends, we brainstorm how to offer compliments and how to deal with difficult situations (for example), but brainstorming isn't really "the real deal". Once she is at school she is out of my direct influence. I'm basically all but banned from being in the classroom, which is extremely frustrating in itself, so I can't go in and observe or shadow Iris or help work on her behaviors from that angle.

The other thing that is difficult is that Iris has basically no playdates. I used to work hard at setting these up for her, with little success in getting something worked out and, when I did, pretty much zero reciprocation, so the process got old and, well frustrating for me. But that is really MY issue, and one I will have to work on once again when we start homeschooling. What this means, however, is that I have extremely limited opportunities to work with Iris and her peers. I am seriously considering signing her up for a group that is strictly for kids with social issues so they can be guided through "playdates" by trained professionals and all work on their social skills together. The one I am looking at is crazy expensive (only $56 an hour!) but if it helped, it would be worth it.

I believe I have written about it here in the past, but my biggest concern with Iris homeschooling used to be that she wouldn't have that daily interaction with the same kids to work on some of these things. I have zero concern for her ability to get the proper education outside of a traditional school setting, but a heavy concern for getting the right kinds of opportunities to work on social skills. I have to say, though, that as this year has moved on, I think that the best thing for Iris is to have a great deal of direct supervision on some of this stuff. There is no classroom in the world that will give her that kind of attention, so hopefully homeschool will be the answer to that. I guess we'll see, right?

Parenting class night five: anger

2011-04-30T22:30:00.000-07:00

This past week in parenting class we thoroughly discussed the issue of anger. Not only anger in our children, but also (or especially) anger in us as parents.

There are definitely times for me where my anger has absolutely gotten the better of me. I've screamed at my girls in a way that scared me and scared them. I've grabbed them in a manner that was far too rough and made them hurt or scared. I have felt absolutely enraged by my girls' behavior more times than I can easily recall.

Thankfully these instances have gotten fewer and further between as time moves on. A couple of weeks ago in class we were all given anger logs to fill in. I took one, thinking it might help me, but when I looked at it something clicked in my head. I realized I was really stubborn and that I didn't want to fill out an anger log. What that meant for me was that I wasn't going to get angry with my girls so that I didn't have anything to write down.

Or rather, let me clarify: I wasn't going to get angry with my girls in a way that wasn't healthy or safe. I could get angry and walk away, but I couldn't get angry and scream so loudly that my voice became hoarse. I could get angry and count to ten, but I couldn't grab their arms and force them to do something. I could get angry and send us all in to a "time out" but I couldn't belittle or shame anyone for their behavior.

My stubbornness paid off. I didn't have anything to write that week. Or the following week. I am making it through. Last time in class our teacher relayed some stories about things that have occurred in her parenting journey. She told stories of things she had done in anger and then shared with us a rule she subsequently made: she vowed to herself she would never again touch her children while she was angry. I mean, it sounds so simple and obvious, right? However, the beauty of making these kinds of agreements with yourself is that you make the decision far before you ever find yourself in the situation. Therefor, harming your children in anger is no longer on the table, no longer one of your tools, whether you ever intended for it to be or not.

My brain tends to operate this way: something is either right or wrong. You either do it or you don't. Therefor this idea spoke volumes to me.

We talked quite a bit about anger in the family, including taming our family's "dragon" (in Iris's therapy they call the dragon the "angry monster"), learning calming techniques and setting ground rules for arguments.

I felt like that what the class boiled down to for me is that I wanted my children to always feel safe. That they never had to be afraid that I was going to do something or say something that was going to scare them or make them question that I loved them and I cared for them. I want to be able to model for them that I can be mad as hell and handle it in the same way I would expect them to. There were several times where I used my strong, serious voice to let them know I was getting really frustrated, or downright angry, but it wasn't scary. At least, I didn't read from their reactions that it was scary. It was serious, it was direct, it let them know I meant business, but it wasn't scary.

There is quite a lot of freedom in knowing that you don't have to be a victim of your emotions, especially when it comes to people you love more than anything in the world.

Sticker charts and "punishing" by rewards

2011-04-27T19:25:00.000-07:00

So I mentioned in a few other posts that we were implementing a sticker chart for the girls. I thought it might be fun to let you know what we set up and how it's working.

The issue my husband and I are working on is the girls hurting each other's bodies. We decided that for each half hour increment when they are together that they don't hurt each other they will earn one sticker. They can earn up to two before school and ten after. The girls either both earn a sticker for a given time frame or neither of them does, regardless of who is doing the hurting.

When they earn 25 stickers they get to pick a "small" prize from a bag of things I already selected. The bag contains small toys and some candy, mostly in the $1-$2 range. I ended up getting almost all of it at the after-Easter sale at Target. So, every 25 stickers=a treat from the bag.

Once they earn 200 stickers they earn a "medium" prize, something in a specific price range that they decide on themselves. I think Iris already has her sights set on a Barbie Glam Vacation House. I intended to take some of their ideas for the medium prize and print pictures of them to post as incentive, but so far they haven't forgotten.

Then, once they earn a HUGE amount of stickers, we thought maybe 2,000 or so (basically I need to figure out a number that they can hit around mid to late summer) they get their "big" prize, also of their choosing. So far I think Eloise has decided on a Barbie Dream House.

We haven't thought past that point, but I fully assume the sticker charts will end after that. If for no other reason, we will be broke! Ha.

The girls are so far doing really well. I honestly thought making it half hour time increments would be really hard for them, but so far it isn't. We have now been through three full days and they have only lost two stickers (one because I got mad that Iris hit ME and one Iris hit her sister). I would call that a success, but three days doesn't make a pattern, so we'll see.

At our family meetings on Fridays we are going to talk about how the sticker chart is working and see if anything needs to be tweaked. If it was too unattainable for the first week we would gear it down. If it was a bit too attainable in the first couple of weeks we are going to make it a bit more challenging to hit their goals.

Matt and I were talking about Alfie Kohn the other day and his idea of punishing kids by rewards. His idea being that children who are motivated extrinsically get hooked on the rewards and lose their own sense of finding intrinsic value in doing whatever the thing is. I find this idea to be amazing, and a wonderful ideal. But in my opinion, that's just it. An ideal. As adults so many of us run on some kind of reward system. "If I count calories all week I can have dessert this weekend!" or "If I study really hard now I can go to the movies tomorrow night!" or, really, any number of things. I would venture to say all adults I know utilize both intrinsic and extrinsic motivators to get through life. Well, kids are no different.

The fact of the matter is, with kids (or just A kid) who are difficult, who doesn't respond to the ideal ways of teaching right and wrong, need different solutions to problems. I am not saying sticker charts or other rewards and punishments are the right answer, but that Alfie Kohn's ideal of eliminating punishment and rewards isn't the right answer for every kid, or for every family.

I used to get sucked in to traps when reading parenting books (or my previous parenting class), and think that "OMG THIS is the way I need to parent!" and then I would try it and it either wouldn't work whatsoever, or it only one piece of it worked, or it only worked if I did it a little differently. And then I would think I somehow failed because the book (or class) didn't fix my kid. Or worse yet, that my kid didn't really fit in to the confines of the kids the book was trying to help.

It's different now.

Now I can recognize pieces that are going to work. I can do things that are out of my initial comfort zone (ie sticker charts!) and I can be absolutely thrilled when I find something that helps, no matter what it is (well, I do have some boundaries, of course). I feel like allowing myself to disagree with the "experts" was a really tough thing to do, but of course now I laugh that I ever felt that way. I will chalk it up to naivete No one knows my girls in the way I do, and even then they surprise me every day.

Parenting class recap: up to now

2011-04-22T21:19:00.000-07:00

Tonight I was trying to go over everything in my head that we are working on implementing in our family in terms of what Matt and I are learning in our parenting class. It feels extremely overwhelming-- which it actually is, not just my perception. It's all being dumped on us all in a very short amount of time because that is the nature of the class.

Here is where we are at:

One-on-one playtime. Ideally I would do this most, if not all, days of the week with each girl for 15-30 minutes. How am I doing? Well the first three weeks I had to actually turn in a record of our playtime. How long we played, who I played with, what we played, how I felt about it and how the girl felt. I am seriously chart motivated, so once I no longer had to fill all that empty space in, I basically stopped doing it. Well, it's not as awful as it sounds, I LOVE the playtime, but every day seems to go flying by before I realize that, yet again, we didn't get to it. Our instructor reminds us that if nothing else, keep going back to the "play and praise" which means this part and the next part . . .

Lots of praising every day. Recognize what I see that I like and appreciate in my children. I have better and worse days remembering it, but overall am doing better. Again, we started out logging praise, but no longer do. Logging works well for me.

Praising and appreciating myself and my husband every day. I do terrible at this. I never, ever remember. Praising myself and my partner is fantastic modelling and an overall fantastic feel-good thing to do.

Eliminate negative generalizations. 100% spot on have done this. I am really proud of this one. I can't say I did it a ton before the class, but it was something I was able to cut out completely.

Focus on steps towards improvement. I haven't done a great job recognizing this. It is hard for me to tell the girls they did a great job not hitting when they screamed at their sister, instead. Yes, the screaming is a step in the right direction, but still upsetting all the same.

Create positive stories about my children. I haven't done this at all. It basically means I need to find ways the girls have improved their behavior and then use it to tell stories later about what amazing things they have done. I can barely think in the present let alone look back to the past or ahead to the future.

Ignoring. This may seem like it's easy, but it isn't, at least for me. We have learned the technique of ignoring certain undesirable behaviors in our children in the expectation (or at least hope) that the child will stop doing it if it doesn't get attention. I have let Iris know I will be ignoring her when she starts on her tirade of name calling. It has worked the two times I had cause to use it.

Use tangible rewards/sticker charts. It took me about a week to really wrap my head around how to use this with the girls and I think that Matt and I came up with a good way to attempt it. At the family meeting tonight Matt and I told the girls about it and they reacted quite positively. Of course, we dangled some monster carrots in front of them, so that probably didn't hurt. Now we need to put it in to action, which I am seriously dreading. We are working on a behavior that needs attention every moment the girls are together (hurting each other's bodies) not just something like morning routines or bedtime routines or mealtimes so it's going to be a lot of work.

Take better care of myself. This part I started doing before the class, thank goodness, because I never would have found the energy after! I am still doing a workout 5-6 days per week and am using (surprise surprise) a log to help keep my eating on track.

Keep an anger log for myself. You know the number one way to get me to cool my anger? By telling me I have to write about it each time I lose my temper. I swear, every time I started getting heated up I pictured my anger log. I didn't want to have write about the stupid thing I freaked out at the girls over. (Crumbs on the couch again?!?! ARGHHH!FREAK OUT!)

Keep an anger log for the girls. This is brand new to add for this week. I can't even picture myself finding the energy to do this.

Work on good listening and speaking skills with all members of my family. Um, some people take whole classes about this topic. I should know, I have taken several. In college. Wish I could say I was an olympic level communicator but I am so NOT.

Express feelings in words to model for the girls. The only feeling I seem to be awesome at expressing is "I AM FRUSTRATED!" But hey, it keeps me from freaking out, right? Working on expanding my repertoire.

Talk about identifying feelings with the girls. Last night I posted a picture at home of feeling words and corresponding cartoony pictures. So far today we have identified in the girls feelings of jealousy, frustration, and happiness. Not too shabby.

So that is most of it. I am sure I leaving out something, but this is what I remember. Keep in mind we have only done five of eight classes. Oh, how this list will grow! Sometimes it feels like I pretty much just have to change everything and it gets overwhelming.

Matt and I, however, have both noticed things are really starting to change. It is far from perfect, but perfection isn't our goal. Iris is screaming less, overall. Hurting her sister less, overall. Using her words so much more. Working out problems more easily. Giving everyone in the family compliments and appreciations and apologies, when necessary. We are definitely still working on controlling angry impulses, but we're getting there.

Parenting class night four

2011-04-19T06:23:00.000-07:00

I attended night four of my parenting class without Matt. We decided, after the stress of the issues with the ipods that I would go alone and Matt and the girls would relax at home.

The class was okay, though the most frustrating one thus far. As I learned, the hard way, with the other parenting class I attended, the material won't 100% fit you or your family. This week the instructor brought up the idea of using sticker charts for improving behaviors and it definitely made me uneasy. I am seeing a definite improvement in Iris through the use of what we term "praise" (but, in action, looks more like noticing and appreciating), so I am comfortable with that kind of positive reinforcement. Not so much on basically what will amount to bribery.

In addition to the sticker chart we did discuss what things are children are given freely that are more privileges than rights and how kids can work to earn those instead. For instance, something I started with the girls already is that they have to have teeth brushed, hair brushed, gone potty and gotten dressed before they can play with toys or watch tv in the morning. Tv and toys in the morning are privileges they work for by doing X,Y and Z first. We also do this at night with the girls cleaning their playroom, so I feel like we are pretty much on track with that.

We also talked about the idea of ignoring certain undesirable behaviors in our children to help them go away. One of the big ones in our family is Iris calls names. I am already seeing the ignoring work in that if Iris starts to call me names or say she hates me or I am mean, I tell her I am going to ignore her if she is going to talk to me that way and then I do. I stop engaging her and move on with what I am doing. It seems to have already made the times she spews her mean words all over me shorter in duration. Iris is a kid who just can't stop herself from saying every mean thing she can when she gets even the least bit annoyed, so I find this tactic not only teaching her a lesson, but protecting my sanity, as well. It's definitely working better than the hundreds of times I've gotten down and said "why are you calling me names? are you angry? what is going on?" etc etc ad nauseum. Ignore, done, move on.

I have found that the class, like life, is not populated solely with "AP" parents. I was an outsider of a discussion on putting kids to bed, the group was chatting about how they "wouldn't stand for" laying in bed with their kid to help them go to sleep. I kept wanting to offer another view on the situation, but kept my mouth shut.

The instructor passed out Anger Logs for everyone in the class, as well. It is a way for us to write down times that our anger has gotten the better of us and allows us to look more in to it. You know what the Anger Log has done for me? Made my be perfectly conscious of my anger so that I do NOT have to fill the log in. Ha! Hey, at least it is working, right? Along that note I just got an ebook from the library called Love and Anger that I am quite eager to read.

After class I sat with the instructor for half an hour and we discussed the whole sticker chart thing more in depth. I explained how uneasy it made me to bribe my kids to do what I wanted them to. She had some great ideas for me on how to make that particular idea work for us. It started with using it for something that was a really serious deal in our family that needed to stop. For my girls it's the hitting/pushing/kicking/pulling, mostly from Iris's end. I decided that due to the fact nothing else we've tried has eliminated it, that good old fashioned bribery wouldn't be the worst idea ever. Especially since something like that just has got to stop. We are still trying to figure out how that would look in our family, the sticker chart and the carrying out of the stickers and all of that, so we haven't made a decision either way yet.

I am looking forward to next week when start talking about helping children regulate their emotions and effective communication skills (at least, those were the two chapters we had to read in our book).

Spring Break, baby!

2011-04-18T10:45:00.000-07:00

The girls are officially on Spring Break. I am SO glad to have this week "off". It feels weird to think that it's a week off when, really, I will have the girls home 24/7 where I usually get a few hours of time to myself every week when they are both in school. I think it's just the idea of not going, going, going. I am not taking Eloise to any of her gym classes this week and we haven't set any plans except for a couple. We plan to check out the new rollerskating rink nearby and our friends are coming over so we can all watch Star Wars together. Fun, no?

On today's agenda? Go to the library. That is IT.

So far my girls haven't been fighting, but you know, give it a few seconds, that may change.

It's been, at least for me, a really exhausting last few days. Nothing different is going on, I just feel drained. Most of it is from the stress of the stolen ipods. I don't have much to report on that front. A detective called me on Thursday morning and I was all excited that he was going to kick some butt, but now it's Monday and I still haven't heard back from him. I'm guessing stolen ipods aren't high on the list of priorities of a Seattle police department detective.

Matt and I aren't sure whether we should replace Iris's ipod. I have noticed that since Eloise's ipod has come back Eloise has played with it a little bit but Iris hasn't touched it. In fact, Iris seems to act as if she is a bit afraid of it. There is still some "bad music" on it, we left it on in case the detective wanted to see it for some reason. Iris is TERRIFIED of the music and reminds us all not to turn it on. I think we just need to take it off and be done with it.

The girls used to take tons and tons of pictures and videos with the ipods. They haven't taken any since we got Eloise's back. It makes me really sad. I keep telling Iris we can back up that stuff on our computer so it can't be lost again, but I don't think she cares. She wants her memories back.

In addition to all of that crap, I've also been trying to work hard on the skills I am learning in my parenting class. I have lots of thoughts on that whole situation that I will try to blog about later. Mostly my thoughts revolve around two main ideas: changing my own behavior is crazy difficult and changing my daughters' behavior feels next to impossible. But you know what? Slowly but surely, things are on the move. It's exciting and exhausting.

ETA: literally one minute after I posted this the detective called me back. He had gone to our neighbor's house and talked to the girl and her mom (which was difficult as the mom speaks very little English) and the girl stuck to her story that didn't add up. The mom apparently said she had seen no other ipods in the house, though we have information that says otherwise. Oh, well. Case closed. The detective said we were lucky to have one back, that rarely happens. It is hard to feel "lucky" but I am ready to move on.

Getting crazy up in here

2011-04-14T20:00:00.000-07:00

Something pretty crazy is shaking down in our lives right now. I had written a very factual timeline about it that I decided not to post (at least not yet) because while it tells the details of what happened it doesn't explain anything about how our family is reeling from it.

So, in lieu of a lengthy blog post, here is the one sentence version: A 13 year old neighbor girl who we have known and trusted since the day we moved in to our house stole at least one, most likely both, of my daughters' ipods from our home. It is a long, involved story with layers, as these things seem to often have, but that is the gist of it. At this point we have only Eloise's ipod back.

Although Matt and I wanted to keep the drama of this away from the girls, it quickly became obvious it would be impossible to deal with the situation without them knowing. We have since decided to keep them in the loop on every update, hopefully in this case honesty will prove to be the best policy.

The girls know that this neighbor girl, a girl they looked up to and adored, took their ipods (we believe she did take both). They know she has been to our house since she took them and pretended she didn't know where they were. They know she lied about it to all of us several times. They know, since getting Eloise's ipod back, that she erased all of their photos and videos and put a ton of seriously inappropriate music on it.

They know this girl, their friend, is no longer allowed in our house. It is painful and confusing and sad for them, often all at once. They still want to play with her, of course. They are trying to negotiate ways to see her without her coming to our house or them going to hers (as a side note, I never allowed them to go to the neighbor girl's house). They constantly ask me "why would she do that?!" with a mix of anger and tears.

Matt and I answer, "sometimes people make bad choices. She isn't a bad person, she just made a really bad choice." The girls nod, they appear to be trying to understand. Iris has related it to a time in her life she made a bad choice.

Iris, who is riddled with anxiety in general, is really struggling. She now believes (with even more fear than before) that people will break in to our house. She needs constant reassurance that all of our windows and doors are locked. That her mom and dad will keep her safe. That when she leaves the house she isn't in danger.

Iris cries because all of the special videos and pictures that she and her sister took with the ipod are now gone. She remembers the special times she documented, all lost.

Eloise cries because she wants to stay friends with the neighbor girl. To say Eloise adored her is a vast understatement. Eloise adored her.

And here is the tricky part: as far as we can/could tell, the neighbor girl adored our girls, too. As far as we can tell, the neighbor girl is extremely remorseful, though still not completely forthcoming with the facts of the story.

The neighbor girl is stuck in a bad situation at home. Her family emigrated to the US from Somalia when she was young. She has a single, absentee mother and appears to be surrounded by family members who are headed down a bad path.

My husband, who is demonstrating an enviable capacity for compassion, believes that our family could be instrumental in helping this neighbor girl, giving her some guidance that she may not be getting anywhere else. That we can help her learn her lesson from this offense, but also do more to be a positive influence (or continue to be the positive influence) and not just write her off.

My husband believes in second chances. This neighbor girl is lucky because I, on the other hand, as a general rule do not, especially when my "Mama Bear" comes out. I am not saying this is bad or good, it just is what it is. As I said, my husband has an enviable level of compassion.

As for now, as of this writing, we're still in the middle of an investigation. The police are involved, there is still more to the story that has yet to be unravelled. We are still waiting for an honest explanation from the neighbor girl. We are still crossing our fingers (but also realistic) that Iris's ipod is returned.

We have no idea how to be a positive influence in this girl's life from this day forward, though I know my husband will figure it out.

We are working with the girls, and probably will be for a very long time (especially with Iris), to right their sense of security and trust. To help them come to a place of being at peace with what has happened.

Workout DVDs

2011-04-14T09:48:00.000-07:00

If you know me at all, you know how alternate-universe it is that I am writing a blog post to say that I LOVE workout videos.

Ever since I realized that I HAD to workout the next thing to figure out was, how? Gym memberships are pricey and difficult to work in to the schedule. Swimming laps was great, but also difficult to work in to the schedule, plus they were a huge time commitment every time I went (driving+swimming+showering+driving). I liked some other outdoor exercise, but mostly walking, which wasn't really aerobic enough for me and not something I could do a daily basis.

I decided to try Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred, thinking that it would be the fastest way towards the elusive bikini bod. The workout was good, but TOUGH. Really, really tough for someone as out of shape as I was.

After the 30 Day Shred I then started branching out in to other videos. I loved Jackie Warner's show Workout on Bravo so I got her DVD with the trainers from the show. That one is good, but a little long. There are three 20-minute segments, one arms, one legs and one abs. I tend to pick two, like arms and abs or legs and abs. She very much isolates exercises in this video. You aren't doing arms AND legs at the same time, just bicep curls and that's it, so it's not as strenuos.

The day I bought the above DVD I bought this Biggest Loser one. I have to confess, I have never seen The Biggest Loser, but I liked Jillian, so I thought this one would be good. Unfortunately, Bob Harper is so unbelievably obnoxious, it was hard to get through. Jillian's portion was really tough. I was sore the next day and I hadn't been sore in a while up until then! I have to say it was nice to see all of the "real people" on the tv doing the exercises, too. I wasn't the only one struggling!

The Xtreme Timesaver Training video with Jackie Warner is my favorite video so far. It is TOUGH, really tough, and 30 minutes long.I usually feel like I will die when I'm done, but, you know, in a good way. I find Jackie a teensy bit easier to swallow than Jillian, too.

My friend Stephanie suggested looking on Netflix for workout DVDs, which I recently did. I have only tried one so far and it was Self magazine's Bikini Ready Fast. It reminded me of more of the "old school" workout DVDs in that the instructor did a lot of "and one, and two, and bend, and twist . . . ." and did some really complicated moves that I had to keep stopping to watch and then still not getting right. It was a very easy workout and I ended up popping in another DVD and doing twenty minutes of something else right after.

After that one I got a mountain of DVDs from the library to try. So far I have done the following three:

Jillian Michaels' Six Week Six Pack is pretty tough, not suprisingly. It's not really ALL about the abs, but that is the focus. There are two levels and I did the first. I always wonder who Jillian's upper levels are made for-- not for mere mortals!

Jackie Warner's Power Circuit was a great workout. I enjoyed the intensity level and it was a little long, but okay. I did the 40-minute full circuit. You can also do 4 separate 15 minute circuits. Each circuit consisted of (I think) three exercises and then the "power burn" where you sped through each previous exercise. It was sort of fun and different.

Today I tried Jillian Michaels' No More Trouble Zones. Oh, I do love Jillian, but this video was WAY too long. It is a 5 minute warm up, a 40 minute workout and a 5 minute stretch. It is pretty hard, but not as bad as the 30 Day Shred, it's just too long. I kept thinking "is this over soon?" It runs on circuits and you do each circuit twice, which is a nice change.

So, that's it so far! I am sitting on another Biggest Loser DVD from the library and I'm not sure I even want to try it. Maybe if I put it on mute? Ha!

Any at-home workouts you've done lately that you love?

Always working on it

2011-04-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

My theme right now is just working on improving, well, everything, it seems. Since January I started making changes to my diet and exercising more (or rather, exercising at all), getting to the bottom of my health issues (aside from diet and exercise) by visiting not one, not two, but three doctors, reading more, attending parenting classes and working every single day with the girls on things to improve, bringing Iris to therapy and, most recently, landing my own butt (back) in therapy. And folks, this isn't even the half of what I wish I was working on (like remember that novel I started a year ago?).

Well, as you can guess, the work is exhausting. Most days I am ready to throw in the towel, jam a big bowl of ice cream in to my mouth, turn on an afternoon's worth of tv for the girls and ignore them while I bury my attention in gossip websites. I march through it, though, every single day, because it's good work. It's important work. Most of the time I like it, but liking something doesn't necessarily make it easy.

Unfortunately there are two major downfalls to all of it:

1. There is SO MUCH MORE work to be done

2. Usually, when you are focusing on one thing, or several things, then something else has got to give. There simply aren't enough hours in the day to do everything.

Today when I met with my new therapist I sat and yammered on about this and that. And she said, like most good therapists do, "oh, I think we can definitely work on X,Y and Z" and then had the nerve to start expanding in to the bigger picture of how I could reach some of my goals. And you know what I said? "You mean I need to do MORE work?"

Okay, I didn't really say that. But I thought that. Silly me, of course I knew going to a therapist meant that she would help me fix things I was struggling with-- and fixing things doesn't happen by sitting back and willing them to be fixed, no sir. I decided I would take her suggestions for, you know, fixing certain things, and file it away for a later, as yet to be determined, date.

I do see quite a bit of improvement, overall, in the areas I am actively working on, however, so that is quite promising. Nothing changes over night, but it changes, little by little. These little changes keep me going. I am not a size two, yet (okay, my goal is NOT to be a size two. I will settle for a four. ((ha!)) ). And I can't really get through a day without counting all of my calories. My daughter isn't 100% fixed. My parenting is 100% better. My health is still an overall mystery. But it's all getting there.

Tonight I went to a writer's group meeting that I haven't been to in a few months. I have to confess, I had nothing new to submit. I can coast along submitting old material no one has seen yet, but I like having a foot in the door. This group is my last bastion of hope that I will someday, indeed, finish my first novel. It's always on the back burner for "when I get more time".

I think I have finally figured out a way to schedule that time back in to my life and I am hoping it will come when I start homeschooling Iris (because THAT won't keep me busy enough, right?). Actually, I decided Iris and I both will set aside time each day to write. Isn't that genius? I figured I can't spend all of our homeschooling days making her do the things *I* want to do, but that should be a good one to keep up with.

Any tips for making major life changes go more smoothly? Or have stories of major life changes you are working on for yourself?

Saving, or not saving, money

2011-04-12T09:41:00.000-07:00

I love it when I go "blog hopping" and find something really interesting to read or even, when I strike gold, a new blog to follow in google reader. Tonight as I was blog hopping I came across the Zen Habits blog.

I have to admit while, overall, I dislike blogs that tell you how to live your life better, there were a few interesting points. I even subscribed to Zen Family Habits, so we'll see what they have to say over there.

Anyways, I read this post called How I Save Money and had to giggle. I always jump at the chance to read other people's ideas on ways to cut out expenses from our lives and this post was no exception. We very much live paycheck-to-paycheck in our house, though there is some chance in the future of this situation improving as some large expenses start shifting around.

Here is the list of money-saving points that I looked through to see if any would help us:

1) I cut my own hair. Obviously this was written by a man. I know very, very few women who do this. I spend a decent amount on haircuts ($50 plus tip) but that is it. I don't color, perm, straighten, nothin'.

2) No Cable TV. Check.

3) Became vegan. While we are no where near vegan, this kind of suggestion always baffles me. I have been vegetarian, and for a short while vegan, and every other dietary label under the sun. My grocery bill never changed. Though maybe if I ate lots of beans and rice it certainly would.

4) Don’t use the gym. Check.

5) Rarely go to the movies. I will say "check" for this, though I do go to the movies once in a while. I go to the local budget theatre and pay $5.50 for a ticket.

6) Quit smoking. Don't smoke.

7) Don’t drink much. I am the only drinker in our family and I consume, total, about one drink per month.

8) Never go out. Check.

9) Stay healthy. I wouldn't say we are the models of perfect health, but we have great insurance and have little out-of-pocket expenses for illness. I would say I pay WAY more for things to keep my family healthy than to treat illness.

10) Don’t go shopping. Okay, I do like to shop. But by "shop" I mean go to Target (darn them for being two blocks from my girls' school!). I am sure people could look at what I buy and think my family could do without some/most of it, but I would say by far my purchases are for things that are basic household necessities.

11) Have only one car. Check. And it has close to 120,000 miles on it, so there!

12) Bring my own lunch. As a SAHM I rarely have reason to buy lunch out, but I do on occasion. My husband buys lunches out of his "allowance" (yes, we call it that very tongue-in-cheek).

13) No magazine or newspaper subscriptions. I do get a few magazines but I order them at steep discounts, like for $5-$10 per year. So I spend maybe $75 per YEAR on magazines.

14) Rarely buy new clothes. I would have to say that, overall, we rarely buy new clothes, and when we do, it's the Old Navy clearance special. I would totally be a thrift-store gal but my husband and I are both quite tall and difficult to buy clothes for.

15) Never travel. This year we are going on our first real vacation. We do travel fairly regularily to see family, but I consider that an absolute necessity.

16) No more lattes. Any lattes in our family come from our allowance.

Anyone have any special things they have done to save money on their household expenses?

Parenting class (take two) night three

2011-04-11T09:04:00.000-07:00

I want to start by saying I had emailed our teacher some questions before the class about her thoughts on Alfie Kohn's work on the harmful effects of praise. She responded to say she was thinking about it, basically, and would talk about it at class. I was so bummed she didn't, though. We may get to chat about it next week.

Our book does make mention of some of these tools being short-term ways to help improve pretty difficult behavior. I have to say the idea of praising my children for everything they do is getting a little exhausting-- but I HAVE seen overall improvement in many areas. The girls do seem to react to it and will often beam ear to ear when they hear we've noticed something lovely they have done. On the other hand, the next chapter of our book is all about creating "sticker charts" and oh my, it is making my skin crawl. I don't know if I can do it. I did try it, once, a while ago, with zero success. Of course, I didn't do it at all the way the book is suggesting (consistent, small, measurable goals is the key).

I have to keep reminding myself that MOST children don't need such things. That the parents in this class are dealing with a group of kids who have more issues than the usual kid. We are working hard at bringing them to a more "neutral" place. We are pulling out all sorts of tools to get them to a place where we no longer have to give them such heavy reinforcements.

So, back to what we really discussed in class. We talked about creating narratives for our children. Not only saying things like "I noticed that you were able to share all of your Barbies with your sister" but also provide narrative along the lines of "Remember last week when you shared your Barbies, too?" in order to start painting a bigger picture and remind our children of the wonderful things they do and what they are capable of.

We discussed keeping our praise specific and also to notice our child's small steps towards changing negative behavior that we want to In addition we kept talking more about appreciating and praising ourselves and our partners and our children, with the goal being to create an atmosphere of appreciation in our family.

We read a bit about creating a healthy home life, as well, and it brought up various issues such as not over-scheduling our children's lives, providing enough touch for our children, paying attention to our children's sleep habits and, my personal favorite: model the emotional maturity you want from your child. This is going to be my new parenting motto.

Model the emotional maturity you want from your child. Talk about leading by example.

Follow up to week two parenting class

2011-04-10T08:57:00.000-07:00

It was a MUCH more difficult week for me after the second parenting class. I was supposed to keep up with the 1-on-1 play time with both girls and let me tell you, it was crazy difficult to do with the way Iris and I felt about each other most of the week. She has just generally had a really negative attitude and has been calling names, being disrespectful, not listening, etc etc. Kind of makes me want to stay far far away from her.

But you know what is the real lesson for me in this? It's bringing Iris close even when I want nothing more than to push her away. That, my dears, is ten times harder than anything else I have been working on.

For the week two class we had to read a really disturbing article on the connection between violent video games and children killing other people. I know it sounds kind of crass to say, but the whole time as I was reading I just kept thinking "thank god we have daughters!". I bet there is probably some example, somewhere, of a girl playing these games like Doom (which is what the boys who committed the Columbine murders played) and went on to hurt or kill people, but I haven't heard of them. Which is not to say parents of daughters don't have their own sets of serious worries, because boy howdy, we certainly do. That just is one I can thankfully cross off the list.

Eating well, exercising, losing weight: part II

2011-04-09T08:15:00.000-07:00

Picking up where I left off . . .

When I visited my new doctor last week she had several theories as to why it might be so hard for me to lose weight despite my best efforts.

The first theory is the birth control pills I am taking to control my monthly cycle which in turn will help increase my iron levels. Birth control pills are notorious (well, not to me, but a quick google search seemed to say otherwise) for causing weight gain (or difficulty losing weight) in its users. Why? Because of their levels of hormones, namely estrogen.

The second theory, though less likely for me personally, is taking anti-depressants. I have been messing around with different pills in different dosages for a while in hopes it will make me less crazy (to no avail! ha!) but they may be a contributor. Why? Anti-depressants can slow your metabolism, which is the amount of calories your body uses simply to function. People who have a "high metabolism" burn more calories simply sleeping, sitting or doing laundry than people who have lower metabolisms.

Another theory, which is one I am testing for, is that my adrenal glands are all skewampus. The adrenal glands sit atop each of your kidneys and are responsible for all sorts of cool things, including producing hormones that affect your metabolism and producing cortisol which can cause weight gain. Cortisol is necessary for your "fight or flight" functions. If you are constantly in "fight" mode your body and your body is over-stressed to the point that your adrenal glands stop functioning properly your cortisol levels can go crazy. If they can't keep up with the demands of your body then weight gain, or difficulty losing weight, can occur along with many other things.

If you interested in more info on this, there is TONS of it online and in books. It's worth a read to at least become familiar with what adrenal glands are good for so that you have that information should issues arise and you need to talk to your doctor.

So how do you test for adrenal gland imbalances? With a simple saliva test, which I am actually doing today. You collect saliva at four different times during the day and then send it on in to the lab and it will be analyzed. Easy peasy.

And this brings me to something that I am sure will smash any smidgen of credibility I might have about these issues: I recently read a shall not be named book by a shall not be named author mostly because I love said "author" so much and enjoy her workout DVD's. I got the ebook from the library on a whim and read it all in pretty much one night. But you know what? Despite a terrible title, this book actually talks quite a bit about hormone balance and what effect it has on weight loss! I was really surprised and it was good timing since I had just talked to my naturopath about it.

This book outlines some foods and supplements that you can use to help balance your hormone levels and detox and it is pretty decent advice, overall. It's not cutting out all food groups or anything crazy like that. It's more about focusing on specific foods within the food groups. I don't know anything about taking free-form amino acids or creatine but other than that her other supplement advice is fairly solid, as well. It's mostly just promoting good overall health.

Since I am a sucker for such things, I am going to follow the plan in the book to see what happens, even before I get these test results. Like I said, nothing about it is harmful or dangerous to my body, so it will be interesting to see if it helps. I am sure if/when I get a diagnosis my naturopath will have natural ways of helping the issue so maybe I can get a jumpstart on things now! It suggests a two week plan to ease in to the diet, which won't be TOO much of a stretch for me since I typically eat a decent amount of fruits, vegetables and whole grains anyways. There are some ways I am going to have to adjust so this is still going to be a fun challenge. I made this chart as a way to easily track the things I need to include in my diet every day:

If you are interested, you can click on the photo to see it bigger.

Here is today's breakfast: Pretty decent, no? I am also drinking a lot more water, this plan recommends 3 liters per day which is about 50% more water than the standard "eight glasses a day" plan.